Posts tagged ‘ed hardy’
How To Ensure Your Daughter Doesn’t Grow Up To Be A Whore
New Jersey, I am looking at you. I know that it isn’t a new occurrence for a Jersey girl to be a bad-ass, shit-talking, cigarette-smoking, hoop earring-wearing two-toned extensioned eventual mob wife, but with the success of shows like Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, and Hoarders (sp? whoreders?) it seems that lately these loud mouthed troglodytes have been shoved into our faces more than ever. Dina Lohan, I am also looking at you. And frankly, I am tired of getting a spray tan from watching my TV. So here are some guidelines on raising your daughter right:
Don’t buy your daughter a boob job for her 3rd birthday. Young girls should have to pay for their own boobs to learn the value of a hard day’s work. See how much she cares about her appearance after scrubbing out a Mcdonald’s fryer for eleven hours at 3 bucks an hour while their leery 21 year old manager with a child-molester goatee stares her down. She will learn there are far more important things in life–like college degrees and industrial lesbian strength sports bra’s. Read more…
Introducing The Bryce Gruber Stinkface Chronicles: Ed Hardy
As many of you may know, Bryce Gruber is a true friend to Gloganvlog. Why? Because she is awesome and doesn’t sweat the small shit. If you have seen her portrayal on the Millionaire Matchmaker though–you may have an entirely different viewpoint on her. Say whatever you will about her–but she has a point.
Because if you are wearing Ed Hardy then several things are clearly apparent:
You are from New Jersey. You have been called a douche bag before. Your car has a steering wheel cover, and most likely a car seat in the back. You own a beer bong that has a bumper sticker on the funnel that reads: Drink till she’s no longer your cousin, you probably had a belly button or eyebrow ring, there is most likely a tribal tattoo on your body–at the shoulder if you are a guy and at the tramp stamp no-zone if you are a lady. If you are in fact a lady, at one point you had two tone color extensions and your thong doesn’t match your bra. If you are a guy, go clean under your nails, please. Read more…
