Posts tagged ‘disney’
Prepare To Have Your Mind Blown: Aladdin Versus Titanic
There’s really not much else I can add to this except that Aladdin is lucky he didn’t live somewhere cold. And also that Jasmine wasn’t an uptight English broad that couldn’t lace her corset tight enough to fit two on that huge wooden door. I’m not saying I have it all figured out, but I am saying that if I were on the Titanic I would have been resourceful enough to survive. And if I were on Aladdin, I would have seen past Jafar’s nefarious plots before he even had time to pluck those severe anorexic chola eyebrows and I would have shoved that rose-gold snake staff up Iago’s sweet, feathered ass.
Never trust a cartoon character that is played by Gilbert Gottfried. That’s like the first thing you learn as a child of the 80′s.
How To Get Revenge On A Bitchy Stepmother
Elmo is a Pedophile
If you decide to take a trip to the Big Apple soon then I feel it is my civic duty to warn you that Elmo is a pedophile. And it’s not just Elmo – it’s every person that you see dressed up as a cartoon character in Times Square. These creeps would like you to believe that they are officially endorsed by Sesame Street or Disney when in fact these furry fiends just want to touch your children.
Not only that but I am 100% 50/50 that these costumes are infested with bed bugs, ticks, lice, and Gary Coleman. So this an official Gloganvlog public service announcement to so just say no to Elmo – unless of course you want scabies.
ManCandy: Justin Timberlake
He’s been my celebrity crush since way before he was in The Social Network, Alpha Dog, and NSync. I evrn forgave him for the cornrow incident and for breaking Britney’s heart – - I’m actually glad he dumped that flat-chest, acne-prone hag Cameron Diaz and that self-absorbed model/actor, Jessica Biel, whose nose looks like Read more…
Joe Jonas Is (Not) Gay
So I was reading the Bible earlier this week and …. no really, I got the latest issue of Details, with Joe Jonas on the cover. Read more…
My Irrational Fear Of Scary Homeless Mutant Troglodytes
Last night (or I guess I should say this morning since I am a lazy fuck) was another one of those times when I had a horrible dream and woke up feeling strange. Only this time it was MUCH worse.
I lived in Orlando.
