Posts tagged ‘desperate’

I always wondered why Lana Del Rey never smiles much- she seems to have it all. She has successfully tricked most of the free world into thinking she has street cred by wearing tight leggings, hanging out in Brooklyn and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. She swam with a CGI alligator for fucks sake- courtesy of a great team of gays a la Lady Gaga. If I were her, my smile would be so big it would wrap around my head and eat itself.

Alas, Lana Del Rey doesn’t smile, because when she does, she looks like an anorexic gremlin baby having a seizure. Somebody give her something to chew on before she bites her tongue off–which would be horrible because then her incorrigible moaning might actually make sense. You can put her in as many floral dresses, with floral headbands, and bed-sheet backdrops that my memaw used to cover the cat-piss stains on her plastic sofa as you want, but she will still be able to devour your fucking soul with one look. And she will still never look happy.

All I am saying is, Read more…