Posts tagged ‘Dancing’
The thing about the Fourth of July this year was that it fell on a Wednesday, so party people like myself and my friends basically just considered Monday and Thursday anomalous (is that a word?) gaps between one big drinking binge. Our big idea was to claim a space on the rooftop early in the day, so that we could watch the fireworks when the sun finally went down at Midnight. We woke up at 10 ready to get the day started. 12 shots later, we still weren’t on the rooftop, but I started trying on all of Nadia’s bathing suits trying to find one that made me look like a juiced up, female heshe, carrot orange, tiny-titted body-building tranorexic. The saucy little houndstooth number pictured below and above was the winner.
As it always does, taking a shit-ton of shots while getting ready to do something always results is us doing nothing except dancing around, taking photos, and touching each other inappropriately. Emsy decided to one-up me by wearing nothing but pasties and pearls all day. Nadia was having an extremely hard time staying tucked even though she used an entire roll of duct tape on her Gennie McCarthy’s.
Nadia, Emsy and I finally ended up on the roof while Nick, Jmo and Jmo’s twink stayed behind to try and surprise us with a sneak water-balloon attack,which I immediately spooked, but allowed to happen anyway since it was hotter than the devils dusty ballsack. For once there were other people on the roof- two straight guys who were Read more…
How To Keep Your Baby From Becoming A Stripper
Okay, I don’t really have advice on keeping your baby from becoming a stripper. Just don’t name her Amber, China, or Crystal. BOOM.
You know its not like me to get too personal, but today I am going to share something extremely personal with you. My Niece Feeny. Just like every member of the Randall Clan, Feeny was born with a certain level of awesomeness that is either going to lead to a long, awesome life full of great stories or a few shaky stints in rehab and a tell-all memoir about her life on the streets. She is the kind of kid that wants to smash glass Christmas balls in her hand, and has never met an electrical outlet that she didn’t like. Luckily, my sister is an ever vigilant Capricorn and an expert at keeping her alive. Anyway, This video showcases the little feenster’s natural born talent for attracting undue attention at urban nightclubs. Enjoy.
I have read several articles recently about how Britney Spears is doing great things on her new tour. I have read sentences that state that she has a bodacious new “bod.”
Frankly I am offended. The only thing she has changed is that she finally f0und a weavologist who didn’t smoke so much meth that they sent her out of the trailer park in the morning with hair they retrieved from her butter clogged storm drain.
I have seen a recent video of her so called “improved” dancing skills. And I recognize it. Its the dance I do when JMO secretly spikes my shot with a crushed up vicodin after I’ve taken a muscle relaxer to deal with the pain from laying in bed all the time writing this shit.
The only thing I will say in her favor is that she ended up with the same life she would have had if she had never became famous. She still married someone who would wear a wifebeater to a wedding, still popped out a few buck-tooth mulleted children that practically rode out of her cooch on a refurbished four wheeler with a parliament light in one hand and a nattie ice in the other.
I respect a person who stays true to their roots. But I don’t want to see it stumble around on stage in front of millions of people.
