Posts tagged ‘Crackhead’
Living the New York party lifestyle such as I do – I have a Ph.D in detecting telltale signs that people are crackheads. I’m sad/happy to report that my neighbors might just be living the posh crackhead lifestyle right under (or in) my nose! The signs:
- I’ve seen cute little plastic baggies trying to hide underneath the front door Mat
- Both neighbors look skinny enough to be confused with Golem, my precious
- They claim that the white dust that adorns several contertops is merely drywall from hanging pictures
- They have really short straws – but not really short glasses
- Their electricity goes out more than I do
- The have a whole lot of foil – but no food in which to cook with
- Their fridge consists of water, lettuce, and um, that’s pretty much it
It’s the dream of every young American girl out there in the world to resemble a London supermodel, from the Black and Decker teeth to the Cigarette-stained fingernails and Tina Turner eyes. Rimmel would have you believe that they have the corner on it, but there are actually several creative ways to get the London Look, none of which involve Rimmel Cosmetics.
1. Skip sleep for 2 days. Subsist on caffeine and chains-smoking cigarettes to keep you awake.
2. Put two of your cigarettes out in your eyes. This should give you both the “hazy reds” (what we call bloodshot eyes when we are trying to make them sexy. The other street name for them is Lohans) and raccoon rings that say “I put beauty before health. I may be dying but I will make a fabulous corp……woops. I died.
3.Be born in Apalachia, so that your teeth already look like the grill on Princess Diana’s town-car (too soon?) or head to a multi-racial neighborhood and yell some racial expletives as loud as you can until someone punches one of your front teeth out.
4.Don’t eat. Ever. The reason British people have tea in the afternoon is Read more…
Whitney, Whitney, Whitney….. It’s true, I will always love you but you do some messed-up crackhead shit sometimes. As most of you know by this point Whitney Coke-fiend Houston refused to buckle her seatbelt on a Delta Airlines flight last week. The pop diva claims that there were no drugs or alcohol involved but reports say that she was eyeing down the beverage straws.
After a flight attendant asked Whitney to buckle her belt before takeoff she flat-out refused! My guess is that the seatbelt simply wouldn’t fit around Whitney’s body, her skinny ass just kept slipping through. Maybe Delta should stop blaming Whitney and start offering seat belt shorteners; skinny drug addicts are people too!
After a few minutes of arguing Whitney finally agreed she would let the flight attended buckle her seat belt for her, how sweet. However, when the plane landed Whitney was nowhere to be found; it turns out she fell in-between the two seat cushions! Come on Delta get it together. Hmmm, maybe that is a new song idea…. I Will Always Fall Through.
I found this today on Google Maps Street View; rare gems like these come along once in a black moon so enjoy. Oh, and if you choose to find this for yourself, google map the following address: 1760 Northeast 66th Street, Miami, FL
Bigger version of the picture after the jump
Oh Amy, where do I begin? You were to be the ultimate “bump-it” spokesperson before your untimely death. You accomplished so much in your short time on this planet so I have listed some of your achievements below so that the whole world may relish in all that you achieved
- Arrested in 2007 for marijuana possession – shocker
- Again in 2007 she was arrested for wandering the streets of London wearing only a bra and pair of jeans, classy!
- Later that same year she was denied a US Visa for being a fucking crack head
- In 2008 Amy recorded a racist song that started out with the words “Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips, Gooks and Nips! … And deaf and dumb and blind and gay” Oh and she was on a multiday crack binge whilst recording
- Arrested again in 2010 for assaulting a theater manager (don’t worry, I hate their little hats too)
- Booed off stage on Multiple occasions for forgetting her lyrics (and having horrible make-up)
Damn it Amy, if you could of just hung on a little bit longer you could have been on the homepage of Faces of Meth…. you were so, so very close. In all seriousness you were a succubus on society and why anybody would support you in life OR death is beyond me.