Posts tagged ‘condom use’
Gas Prices: I know that this is technically a blanket statement since technically straight people have cars too. But straight people don’t have as many hookups as us gays, so they have less places to go. They are also less fun, and don’t go out as much. Gay people have very demanding social lives since we are all making up for the fact that in middle school people called us cock suckers and threw rocks at us. Or did they throw cocks at us and call us rock suckers? I don’t recall as I was too busy doing both.
Shady Gays: In New York, gay guys are way too concerned with all their own shit to worry about anyone else. They won’t try too hard to steal your boyfriend, because there is more than one hot guy living here and they don’t have to cling to every attractive male like a sister-wife in heat living in a small Nevada town where the only good restaurant is KFC.
DUI’s: I don’t know how the fuck I managed to get out of Florida without a DUI, but I drove drunk so many times my car actually Read more…
Honestly I’m a little shocked that these companies haven’t yet thought of doing this. In certain instances of extreme sexual pleasure I am actually able to recall the color of condom I used, which is weird since I can’t recall what the guys looked like. Guys pay more attention to their dicks than they do their taxes, future plans, bank accounts, and even sexual partners, apparently. What better place is there for an advertisement?
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1. It doesn’t matter if you are a Starwars geek or now, you have heard this phrase before. Much like the phrase “One time at band camp” it has become an overly used annoying horrible phrase that, when uttered by someone you were thinking of sleeping with automatically shuts your vagina or manhole up like a lotus flower withering on a frozen lake. Which is ironic, since it is printed on a condom, which is used to have sex. I enjoy satire.
2. Condoms are great. Actually who the fuck am I kidding? Condoms suck. But they are totally necessary. So if you are going to use one you might as well have a chuckle, chortle, or guffaw about it.
3. This condom lets a bitch know upfront that she isn’t about to trap you with no 18 year social life death sentence. If she tries to poke a hole in it with the sharp edge of her gold tooth smack that tranny upside her face with Read more…
I know many of you enjoy dipping your wick into all sorts of orifices skin-to-skin but Dapper dog would like to drop a deuce of knowledge upon your heads (as long as you pick it up after in a bright colored bag and deposit it into your knowledge receptacle). Condoms do more than prevent the transmission of AIDS and sexually transmitted disease. They can prevent the most easily transmissible/horrible/life changing epidemic of all: Babies.
(Sidebar: all you gays can just go ahead and tune out now, even the ones that are batshit crazy and think that just like Jessica Simpson, they are actually capable of parenting)
Babies give you stretchmarks. They will literally shit on your face if they can. They will vomit all the time, and never with the intention of losing weight– which is just unchristian. They have tiny little hands that will start Read more…