Posts tagged ‘chupacabra’
Being a man of the world, I have experienced my fair share of dicks. I believe that everyone can probably relate to this on some level if you have ever seen more than one–and if you haven’t then please take the Hacidic jew-wig off your head, cut the sleeves off your long sleeved black cotton floor length high waisted Kathy Ireland for Costco dress and get yourself onto Craigslist.
As we all know (And as it was recently pointed out to me by my lovely Jewish Goddess friend) even people who won’t admit it have probably had at least one experience with the snuffalopogos like situation that we call an uncut dick.
Personally, I have no real preference. For a while I was really into the idea of it, since I am circumcized. (I had it done when I was 16. Long story short I did it because my 1st boyfriend had it done and he was scared of my foreskin. Since I was 16 and thought I was going to be with him forever I acquiesced. Do I regret it? No. On lonely nights does it sometimes feel like a part of me is missing–No. It was just a few inches of skin. Fuck it. Guess that was more of a short-story-long). But after seeing a few the novelty has worn off and I don’t really care either way. So my question is: Do you prefer cut or uncut?
In case you need some more information or find yourself confused like a pregnant prom girl with maternal instincts, here are some differences between them. Read more…
Summer is right down the street ( I would say right around the corner but Mother Nature has been fucking with us so much lately I don’t want to jinx it. I would seriously take a sandblaster to Mother Nature’s asshole right now. I wish Eminem would put her in the trunk of his cutlass and drive of the Chelsea Piers. ) And we all want to look our best for the judgy drunk queens on Fire Island. So here is a piece of advice regarding speedos: If you wear them you will either look gay or Brazillian. If you are okay with looking gay or brazillian, make sure you get the perfect fit. An ill fitting speedo is like eating dinner right before you predrink–there is no point to it. In regards to speedos–a little tighter is much better than partially loose. Just take it from the photo to the left, where I am apparently auditioning for a role in Aquatic Chupacabras of the Gulf of Mexico (while it is a low budget film we expect to garner some of the buzz and excitement surrounding Sharktopus 3D and the upcoming Pirahnaconda.) And try to avoid sag-ass at all times. There is nothing worse than seeing a guy who looks great from the front, but when he turns around it appears he has dropped a 6 lb deuce in his drawers. Bringing him down to 92 lbs. My goal weight.
Call me a prude, (or downright refuse to believe this if you want) But I don’t really like to arrange sex beforehand. (i.e. hookup sites or grindr etc). I’m not going to say I have never done it or will never do it again, but generally I prefer my sex to happen the old fashioned way. By meeting out somewhere, making out sloppily, groping each other in the streets in front of cops, and mutually deciding to end the night in Pound Town.
Obviously it isn’t that I am afraid of cocking a stranger. It’s just that arranging it all beforehand takes all the enjoyment and spontaneity out of it. It’s a little like the arranged marriages of some call center-heavy countries we shall not name. (read: India). Here is why. Read more…