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Posts tagged ‘bull dyke’

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A True Gloganvlogger Has Passed Away. RIP Amy Winehouse 2011

July 23, 2011

Okay admittedly Amy Winehouse took it a little far. But the truth is she is someone who liked to party. She didn’t apologize for it. She lived the way she wanted to. But there is no denying her talent and honestly she was a true artist. Like most artists she had demons ( mine is named Julia and is a raging BDBD –bull dozin bull dyke). We don’t yet know what she died of, but we do know that she lived life by her own rules. Maybe they got her killed-but that is the risk you take when you challenge society.  So we should all have a moment of silence and a shot of Jamison in her memory.

 

Twink or Twat

April 13, 2011

I can’t tell you how many times I have mistaken a muff diving bull-dyke for a glitter peddling twink. Actually, I can tell you but that number would be so long that by the time you got done reading this post you would look like a mix between Joan Rivers and those little animated raisins that sung “Heard it Through the Grapevine” back in ‘86.

I would bet my tits that other people have this same problem so I have come up with a foolproof way to determine twink or twat.

 

1.     Check for a bulge in their pants. This can be tricky though, from what I understand lesbos don’t prune their pubes so what you think is a swinging salami could actually be years of hair buildup from an ungroomed poon.

 

2.     As the gender-confused individual in question is walking, trip the bitch. If when they get up and beat you like piece of tenderized street-meat it is definitely a twat! If they give you hug and offer you Fruit n’ Fizzle Skittles it’s a twink. Easy enough right?

 

3.      Finally, if all else fails then throw a dildo in front of them and watch where they stick it after they pick it up. Because lord knows I always pick up used dildos when a complete stranger throws them my way; or was that the Starbucks barista handing me the banana I ordered, hmm.

 

Please stay-tuned for the Twink or Twat reality series on Bravo starring Ellen DeGeneres and Justin Beiber – we still have our Gloganvlog scientists working around the clock trying to determine whether he is a Twink or Twat.

 

Cheers,
-JMo – New York

Is There Any Point To Feeling Guilt?

February 23, 2011

This is Large Marge. Not only is she Julia’s twin sister, but she is also the demonic bulldyke presence that sits on my shoulder and makes me feel pointless emotions, like guilt.

Her steely gaze says: You best strike a trot son, cause you know you done wrong, and Im a comin fer ya with a baseball bat and molotov cocktail made with Wild Turkey.

Nothing scares me more than a grizzly bear bull dyke, not even hard time in prison or Paris Hilton’s upcoming sophomore album. We all have a little bull dyke sitting on our shoulder, weighing us down when we realize our actions were wrong. But how much guilt should one person take?

Im not Catholic for Christs sake. Read more…

LGBTQI: More Confusing Than Marc Jacob’s Leather Skort?

February 19, 2011

I will admit it. I had to google LGBTQI. It seems like they keep adding letters to it every year. Soon it will be longer than my fucklist. Haha Just kidding—thats impossible since there are only 26 letters in the alphabet….I also took issue with the fact that Lesbian comes before Gay….and then I found the photo to the right and thought “Let the lesbians have this small victory. They deserve something nice for once. ”

So I took out my Davinci code scroll analyzer and did some deciphering.

L is for Lesbian: Referring to a woman who believes in astrology, wears hemp bracelets, drives a semi-truck full of lamb shanks, has tattoos of ironic phrases, streaks her mullet, bites her nails, and wears joe boxers under old navy tapered jeans with chuck taylors.

Lesbians like to watch dog-fights and are sensitive to UV light. They are also all allergic to Ballsacks, pet dander, and legumes.

Read more…