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Posts tagged ‘Blackberry’

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Get Your Rim Jobs While You Can!

May 31, 2012

Saw a very troubling article in the paper this morning…..

Our Smartphones Are Making Us Retarded

August 12, 2011

Imgs via Socialfacepalm

Do you know why they care called smart phones? Because the more we use them the less smart we have to be. Our phones are ruining our communication skills, our navigational skills, our willingness to try anything new, and our ability to be socially uncomfortable as a means of breaking out of our comfort zone.

As my mom used to say: My roids flare up every time I think about it. For instance–last night I went for an impromptu jog through the park at 1:30 AM. It was cool and breezy–the lights of Jersey City (acchem-across the water) and the statue of liberty were hauntingly beautiful. The breeze was pulling leaves out of the trees as I ran past them. And what the fuck did I do? Update my facebook and twitter to tell the world how fucking beautiful it was.

I feel like there are so many moments I miss out on nowadays because my face is shoved into my phone. The truth is that half the things we use it for–responding to text messages and emails CAN WAIT. I can count the number of urgent messages I have ever received on one ballsack. (thats two–unless you have had testicular cancer. Statistics inconclusive).

Another example is Read more…

Robots Are Taking Over The Fucking World

March 23, 2011

And unfortunately they don’t look like Jude Law. Because if they did, I would fuck them–no matter what their machine-like dinguses looked like.

Ugh, did I just say dingus? Who am I?

I have gotten in no less than 11,000 conversations lately about how texting has replaced talking and technology has taken over all forms of communication (even sexual communication).

So I thought I would write about it.

Here it is fuckers. Read more…

Can Your Relationship Survive Facebook?

February 22, 2011

After the all night sex party you attend, you stop at a 7-11 for a slurpee. The girl behind you notices your TGIFriday’s smock. She is a manager at Chili’s. It turns out she is looking for a new assistant manager, so you facebook her. The next day she writes on your wall. “Nice meeting you last night.”Then your girlfriend comes in the room with a sawed-off shotgun and blows your fucking head off.

Anybody on facebook who has had a relationship has been in this exact same shituation. It’s a fact.

In these times, being as socially connected as we are with Facebook, Twitter, and texts taken out of context, real human connections are often affected, hurt, or destroyed. Like your crotchal area after an all night sex party. But not to fear, I have devised a plan to help. Read more…

The Hangover Diaries in Retrospect: Fighting, Fur Stoles, and Fashion Parties

February 12, 2011

Everything about Thursday night was fucked up, especially me. Basically, all I can hope for when I go out at night is that all of my friends are still talking to me in the morning. We started by pre-drinking at Logans before a party for TheLuxurySpot.com, a site you should definitely check out. They talk about cock too, but go about it in a more classy way. 10 minutes and a pair of pink suspenders in, and I was showing everyone a diagrammed photograph of a vagina and motorboating the Owner of TLS, on camera. Read more…