Posts tagged ‘beer’
Let me preface this by saying that Il Bastardo is called such because every time we brunch there our experience is eventually bastardized into a monstrous partying clusterfuck that cannot be contained by the reins of decency. It was so debaucherous I am only now recovered enough to write about it.
It started off as a Shindia/Nicmac birthday/welcome brunch. The server immediately hated us since I sat myself next to Jmo, a jew so loud he could out-behar Joy Behar. He and I hadn’t eaten, and weren’t planning to any time soon so we could get good and drunk first. The thing you should know about Il Bastardo is that they serve their mimosas and champagne in glasses so large Somalian Families could feed their entire families rice from one goblet. For a week. So immediately I see Logan at one end of the table beside Nicmac, me and Jmo in the center across from Frecks and his Brazilian boyfriend, and Shindia at the other end. This is the perfect storm brewing–as we were far enough apart to turn the table of 18 ppl into a shitshow but close enough to yell at eachother. Which we inevitably had to do since Il Bastardo thinks they are a daytime version of Studio 54 and tried to drown our faggotry out by turning up the music 2000 decibels.
*Today’s reader submission comes from Finch-A sarcastic gentleman of latino heritage that lives in New York. He has an adventurous spirit–some would even say his eagerness to please is super human. All I know is that if I could shoot any substance from my hands I would want it to be heroin.
Here I am on Sunday nite 11:30 after a boring weekend of watching Being Human season 3 UK and Californication. (And hearing drunks on street-damn u corner bar, otherwise I would be sleeping) but I can’t because I haven’t had sex, petting, oral, or anything involving another male in 4 months. Yes 4 months!!!. Since it has been so long all I can do is think about the experiences I already had. My slutty days-my first summer in nyc and a super hero in a spandex costume.
Yes, I know we have talked a lot about Gay issues today, but that is because St Patrick’s Day is the one day that the straights take back the streets. So all of us gays are holed up in our well decorated man caves with nothing to do but drink martinis and write.
Haha this photo was actually taken by me, at an Old Navy on a shopping excursion with my friend Bryce–with whom random photo ops always seem to present themselves. Not only is the Luck of the Irish anal fist awesome, but the bag beside it says I love Green. It leads me to wonder who is doing Old Navy’s buying nowadays. My guess is George Michael teamed up with Mary Kate Olsen or James Franco. However these three having a threesome would be problematic since George Michael wouldn’t be able to feel Mary Kates tiny gnome-like fist in his arse, and James Franco would be too high to remember what he had done. Also Im pretty sure James Franco has already done midget porn as performance art.
So, How do straight people get to act gay today?
1. They pay attention to what they are wearing. Its true–nobody wants a purple nurple, so even straight people make it a point to wear as much green as possible. They also drink green beer–which is the only time straight people drink alcohol that isn’t brown. Its true, according to the fact I just made up. Read more…
We have all been there. Those nights when all your friends are wasted but you just aren’t feeling it. Partially because you don’t have enough money to feel it. To top it all off you are on the street and it is freezing cold.
So here is a simple solution. Go to the nearest Bodega and buy the biggest beer you can afford. Then take it to the nearest bank (in this case it was a Bank of America) and drink it in the vestibule where the ATM’s are. Its warm and the doors automatically lock. If there was an orgy going on in the room or Sarah Mclachlan music playing you would practically be at home.
Another practical solution to drinking on a budget–go to a liquor store and buy a small bottle of Smirnoff. Add it to a Vitamin Water in the flavor of your choice by hiding out in a phone booth and then drink it on the street! Then go meet up with your friends and forget you did it in the first place!
Sidebar–this photo is from the night Obama was elected. I thought drinking in a Bank of America was damned patriotic of me. Ignore my tie.