Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘barnes and noble’

comment

Top 5 Hook-Up Stores for Gays

January 15, 2012

1.) Starbucks – This should be a no brainer. As we all know gay guys like uppers and being that Starbucks is like legal crack we show up by the thousands. If you can’t get laid in a Starbucks bathroom you are either too ugly or too fat.

2.) The Apple Store – Gay guys don’t often have children so they like to spend their money on overpriced trendy computers. The Apple Store is a great place to get iFucked.

3.) Whole Foods (or any organic supermarket): In our minds organic = healthy. Even if it is an organic chocolate dipped Oreo it’s organic so it has no calories. Go ahead and pick up a 100% natural beefcake on your way out.

4.) Barnes & Noble: I actually don’t know what other reason there is to go to Barnes & Nobles except to pick up a man. The store kind of smells funny too, probably because of all the semen left over from the mid-aisle hook-ups that got crusted into the pages of Moby Dick-Me.

5.) American Apparel: This store might as well just change its name to The Gay Store. With their line of “Legalize Gay” shirts, booty shorts, and over-sized muscle daddy tanks the gays flock to this store like they’re giving away free ecstasy.

 

Click here to watch a video about toys that turned you gay(er).

What If You Could Order Your Dream Guy?

April 27, 2011

Recently whilst on vacation to a fair hamlet, my hometown of Panama City, or as I like to call it the Devils Genital Wart I happened across this Hungry Howie’s sign. It got me to thinking–what if you could order your perfect guy like you could a pizza? What if you could specify exactly what you want beforehand so that you aren’t disappointed?

Then I realized you could. Can. And do.

On the fucking internet.

As I’ve said before many times I have nothing against online dating–and think that nowadays we have so many different avenues and options in regards to being exposed to a much wider selection and variety of people. That being said, I don’t really like meeting guys online. I won’t say I’ve never done it, or will never do it again. But I am wholeheartedly old fashioned when it comes to meeting guys–I want to meet them in a bar, give them a fake name and have meaningless sex.

I was raised right.

Read more…