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Posts tagged ‘avril lavigne’

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Avril Lavigne And The Idiot From Nickelbag Are Engaged

August 21, 2012

I was going to talk about how they are engaged, and how it all happened, but then the thought of even reading that article made me want to kill myself.
So instead I didn’t read it at all. And then I decided to tell you what I’d rather do than listen to Nickelback.

  • I would rather get stranded on a deserted island with Sarah Palin
  • I would rather let a cat shit on my face.
  • I would rather fall into a giant vat of puke
  • I would rather watch a kitten get punched. (Okay that is a lie)
  • I would rather pour gasoline on my mullet and run through a bonfire.
Read more…

Is Taylor Swift Part Of The Kennedy Curse?

August 15, 2012

The short answer is yes. But allow me to explain why. Taylor Swift is not just a giant anorexic sloth wearing a wig from the Dolly Parton Humidity in The Smoky Mountains Collection, she is also a life ruiner. How real musicians work is that they channel their pain and anger into their song writing. This is how Fiona Apple and Alanis Morisette became famous. Then, they became famous and their lives didn’t such so much ass. Now they have nothing to write about.

On the second tier of that are the Avril Lavignes and Taylor Swifts of the world. Since they aren’t even old enough to know what real pain is, they write songs about breakups, cheating, and broken hearts. Avril is no longer a threat because she lost all her street cred when Hot Topic went mainstream, but Taylor is still rocking out to pointless songs about sitting by a lake and crying. Teenage girls everywhere are lapping it up.

My problem is that it reeks so much of immaturity and desperation. Taylor Swift made her career by publicly bad-mouthing her exes and negatively effecting their love lives with her whiny bitching. The genius of it is that Read more…

Weho Queens Ruin Everything: Call Me Maybe

May 3, 2012

Its no secret that: #1- There is a standing rivalry between the queens of Weho and the gays gangs of New York. It all started when the Fire Island crowd queer-mixed Miley’s Party in the USA on Fire Island. And if its any indication of how gay I am, I just referred to Miley Cyrus by her first name. #2- Its stupid. Totally stupes. Stewpie Griffin.

Anyway, the queens of Weho have now queer-mixed a song by Carly Rae Jepson, (who is obviously Canadian based on her reprehensible name- this may or may not be factual as Avril Lavigne and Alanis Morisette are my only points of reference) and bastardized it into an all-male lip-sync for your life including saggy he-tits and teeth that look like the rocky mountains after a nuclear holocaust in which only those that can gnaw through granite survive.

I have included both videos here. #1- Because when I first heard this song by Carly Rae Jepson I thought it was more annoying than an all girls slumber party without booze until I got to the very end. Then, I decided that even though she is obviously Canadian, I love her.

#2- It is a testament to the laziness of Gays. We need to Read more…

2012 Reality Winners So Far

January 13, 2012

Jason Hoppy wins for looking less than impressed with sugar mamma Bethenny Frankel.

I loathe Snookie, but must give her props for still dressing Read more…

Fire Island Recap: Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, FUCK

June 1, 2011

This weekend was too insane for a complete step-by-step recap(since it was 4 days long and I only remember about 12 hours).  Also, most of the parties involved would not want their offenses listed because what happens in Fire Island stays in Fire Island. Exceptions to this rule are STD’s and Ticks.

So I have decided to make an anonymous list of things we did and things we witnessed:

One of us broke into a store at 3 am and had sex behind the cash register attempting to use spit as lube (an unsuccessful attempt since spit and latex don’t mix. They are like Katy Perry and strapless bras. Or Katy Perry and integrity.

Read more…

A Gloganvlog Slam: Julia The Beaverhound

March 14, 2011

Or as we like to call her, Julia the Carpetmunching Hobgoblin. I found this picture on her facebook entitled “How to Catch a Hipster.”

I thought it was funny so I asked why she didn’t post it. She said it would be hypocritical to make fun of someone else for neon glasses and PBR.

Nothing like a self-knowing beaverhound. Truthfully this photo doesn’t make sense because every hipster is a little different (emphasis on A LITTLE). To make a DIY Julia Catcher you will need:

A patchy emo vagina, a sports bra size 36G (for Good Lord your funbags are huge), tickets to an Avril Lavigne concert, a Stussy Hoodie from PacSun in 1998 with holes in it, an ironic lesbian name like T, or Jess. (since saying “jessie” would be just too damned difficult), a hatchback car with a rainbow sticker on it, a case of Jameson whiskey, a spitoon, some WWII nazi memorabilia, some wetnaps from KFC, and a face piercing that says : Yes, I got my face pierced because I want the whole world to know how rad I am.

Build this, and she will come. And I will run away because that BD scares the tits outta me.

My Hipster Trap would have: A vodka Vitamin water to-go cocktail, spandex manties, a chunky necklace made out of old auto parts, a morning after pill, a 100 ct bottle of zantac, and a pair of homo-erotic faux combat boots.

What would yours have?