Posts tagged ‘army’
If he is sharp and eagle-eyed enough to shoot an AK-47 at 30 paces, he can probably find your clitoris with relative ease.
He will eventually get called to duty. If you get tired of cocking around, chances are you won’t have to wait long before he is reassigned away to some war torn country like South Dakota, giving you the perfect opportunity to change your name and phone number before he realizes you gave him the clap.
He comes with a camo outfit. This has two benefits: a) You can “borrow” the jacket, take a sewing machine to it, and make yourself with a super-cute cropped camo shrug or jumper. 2) If you find yourself balls deep in his armed forces and your homicidal husband/boyfriend comes home, a military man in camo can blend into your bedroom decor like a fugging chameleon.
If he shaves his head he probably Read more…
Ohio Animal Release was a Cover Up!
It was discovered just minutes ago that the release of several exotic animals earlier this week in Ohio was NOT as the news originally portrayed it. The exotic animals were not released from an animal farm as previously claimed. As it turns out the whole damn thing was being filmed by Warner Brothers for the upcoming Jumanji sequel!
Warner Brothers struck a deal with the animal actors from Madagascar to be filmed for the new multi-million dollar feature film. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts all of the animals had to be flown over in a giant wooden crate that was tethered to the bottom of an army-grade helicopter.
Everything was going according to plan until the angry birds (still pissed that they didn’t get a part in the movie) cut the rope causing the crate to come crashing to the ground. This then caused it to break open releasing the enraged Madagascarians on the small unsuspecting town of Zanesville.
Things are finally starting to calm down but here is a lesson to be learned from all of this – why the hell would you make another Jumanji movie?
