Posts tagged ‘amy winehouse’
Silly Bitches
Amy Winehouse is Finally Dead, so What?!
Oh Amy, where do I begin? You were to be the ultimate “bump-it” spokesperson before your untimely death. You accomplished so much in your short time on this planet so I have listed some of your achievements below so that the whole world may relish in all that you achieved
Winehouse’s Accomplishments
- Arrested in 2007 for marijuana possession – shocker
- Again in 2007 she was arrested for wandering the streets of London wearing only a bra and pair of jeans, classy!
- Later that same year she was denied a US Visa for being a fucking crack head
- In 2008 Amy recorded a racist song that started out with the words “Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips, Gooks and Nips! … And deaf and dumb and blind and gay” Oh and she was on a multiday crack binge whilst recording
- Arrested again in 2010 for assaulting a theater manager (don’t worry, I hate their little hats too)
- Booed off stage on Multiple occasions for forgetting her lyrics (and having horrible make-up)
Damn it Amy, if you could of just hung on a little bit longer you could have been on the homepage of Faces of Meth…. you were so, so very close. In all seriousness you were a succubus on society and why anybody would support you in life OR death is beyond me.
Okay admittedly Amy Winehouse took it a little far. But the truth is she is someone who liked to party. She didn’t apologize for it. She lived the way she wanted to. But there is no denying her talent and honestly she was a true artist. Like most artists she had demons ( mine is named Julia and is a raging BDBD –bull dozin bull dyke). We don’t yet know what she died of, but we do know that she lived life by her own rules. Maybe they got her killed-but that is the risk you take when you challenge society. So we should all have a moment of silence and a shot of Jamison in her memory.
On A Serious Note: Rehab Doesn’t Work, Right Amy?
That crazy bitch is dead. And I (unfortunately) don’t mean that wicked witch Michelle Bachmann. Poor Amy Winehouse passed away today and I’m sure you’ll be shocked to discover it was from choking on a ham sandwich. Just like Mamma Cass. In fact, her tiny little throat couldn’t open further than what it takes to syphon the last drops Read more…
Things That Creep Me The Fuck Out: Baby Prostitute Pageant + Hardcore Gymnastics = Cheerleading
I was going to label this post: Unequivocal evidence that cheerleaders are pussies, but I couldn’t. The truth is not all cheerleaders are pussies, and I fully recognize that cheerleading is a difficult sport. (and by cheerleading I am referring to the few parts of it that don’t involve cheering–such as the tumbling part.)
Okay, pretty much just the tumbling part. But regardless cheerleaders are athletes and I do respect that. BUT I TRIED. I TRIED not to post this. I thought about how wrong it might be to make fun of this poor girl–then I realized that cheerleading stunts your growth so she is probably actually 36 years old. And when I took a look at those Queen Helene plasticized glossy curls and that Amy Swinehouse liquid liner I really had no choice, did I?
And the chola beside her–whose eyebrows are basically trying to shoot off his face and hide in the land of the donkeypunch (back of his head) to escape his face, whose coloration can only be described as burnt sienna. I had heard that Jesse McCartney was still alive. But I didn’t know his singing career had gone so awry that he resorted to this. Oh well, at least his skin has cleared up.
And then we get to this heartfelt message. (and by heartfelt I mean vagina-felt).
It speaks for itself. Please note the cheerleading puns.
All I am going to say is don’t put this online if you don’t want people like me to swoop in like bitchy little vultures and rip it apart.
And DONT drop the spirit stick. Or you will go to HADES.
*Jmo is a twink wrangling Jew residing in Hells Kitchen. His pastimes are ignoring his mother’s phone calls, working in Advertising, and telling people they are mature for their age to get in their pants. I am pretty sure he is a genius.
