Posts tagged ‘american apparel’
1.) Starbucks – This should be a no brainer. As we all know gay guys like uppers and being that Starbucks is like legal crack we show up by the thousands. If you can’t get laid in a Starbucks bathroom you are either too ugly or too fat.
2.) The Apple Store – Gay guys don’t often have children so they like to spend their money on overpriced trendy computers. The Apple Store is a great place to get iFucked.
3.) Whole Foods (or any organic supermarket): In our minds organic = healthy. Even if it is an organic chocolate dipped Oreo it’s organic so it has no calories. Go ahead and pick up a 100% natural beefcake on your way out.
4.) Barnes & Noble: I actually don’t know what other reason there is to go to Barnes & Nobles except to pick up a man. The store kind of smells funny too, probably because of all the semen left over from the mid-aisle hook-ups that got crusted into the pages of Moby Dick-Me.
5.) American Apparel: This store might as well just change its name to The Gay Store. With their line of “Legalize Gay” shirts, booty shorts, and over-sized muscle daddy tanks the gays flock to this store like they’re giving away free ecstasy.
Click here to watch a video about toys that turned you gay(er).
Toronto Pride 2011 Recap: We Are Those People Who Go To Another Country And Eat At Hooter’s And The Hard Rock
This vacation happened last weekend–but honestly my memory of it hasn’t gotten any clearer. Toronto Pride was the absolute hottest of all the messes from start to finish. It was one of those trips that was so doomed by god from the get-go that it eventually became laughable. Like the awesome gloganvloggers that we are though–we rallied through it. Sometimes when everything seems to be going wrong you just have to drink. And we did. And it was amazing.
The first night I met a cute slovakian scientist with an eyebrow ring. We hit it off, and ended up getting fucked up, watching the sun rise, messing around in his friends vestibule, then walk of shaming at 7 AM back to my hotel. He tried to hold my hand. It made me almost as uncomfortable as the sun coming up. But I have since gone on a date with him and I like him.
We went to a nude beach, where Jmo and an asian friend we met couldn’t control their giggling. Jmo and I found a swingset and managed to reclaim some of our childhoods for an hour or so without dropping our vodka-vitamin waters. Jmo had really bad mosquito bites along his arm from being in the carribean the wknd before, so we solved this problem by drawing a huge tribal tattoo on his arm with a sharpie we bought at American Apparel.
For the sake of journalistic integrity, I always try and take the hangover diary photo at the height of my hangover–you know when you are laying in bed wishing you would just die but you cant sleep because you have to take your morning firepiss so you finally drag yourself out of bed and realize you are wearing women’s neon American Apparel leggings that are ill fitting in the crotchal area? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.
So faced with the choice of going to Hells Kitchen and being cruised like the 4 dollar HJ Whore that I am or spending a relaxing night at boiler room in the East Village with Jats and Keyster the decision was obvious. For once we stayed at one place the entire night.
But it was still insane.
Saturday was a Brooklyn shitshow the likes of which I have never remembered. My friend Hambone was in town this weekend–a girl that knew me since 6th grade. A girl that was around when I got my first bowl cut, we celebrated when our home-town first got a GAP, we climbed trees together and she taught me how to shave my armpits–since I had no father around to teach me such things. She was in town for one night only–and we spent it traipsing around Brooklyn. There are some VERY embarrassing pics after the jump. Enjoy. Read more…
Let me start by saying that I’m not really hung over too bad–but I did wake up wearing metallic blue American Apparel leggings left over from a shoot I did last night. I am still wearing them. Why the fuck not, right?
Here’s the thing–I don’t have especially big balls. I would say they are a good size–In fact I am pretty happy with them overall. But sometimes in the middle of the night I can’t sleep because they are uncomfortable and I have to take off whatever underwear/leggings/pajamas I am wearing. Does this happen to anyone else with average sized balls? Read more…
*Today’s reader submission comes from Williamsburg Fashionister (thats fashionable mister) Jeremy. Jeremy likes long lines on the beach, candle-light sex parties, and wearing jeans so tight they dehydrate his legs. Enjoy.
I woke up Saturday morning in a puddle of beer next to a Billy Idol lookalike – eyeliner smeared everywhere. I woke up Sunday in an American Apparel dress (?) far, far from home.
This past weekend was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a very long time.
People who don’t know me might write me off as some kind of eyeliner wearing (years of locking myself in the bathroom shellacking on my Mom’s Mary Kay have clearly paid off) club slut. People who do know me might write me off as a husband-hunting straight girl with white-picket fence dreams involving adopted children from Zimbabwe, a Vera Wang wedding gown and a white Kitchen-Aid Mixer. Read more…
As everyone who spent this winter holed up in their apartments hoarding harder than Liza Minelli knows, the end of cold days is upon us. So what do you do when you look down and see a jelly roll so big that it made Little Debbie tweet Jenny Craig?
1. Get a tapeworm. While the tapeworm diet may be illegal in the united states, in other countries it comes free with a purchase of any beef product. Do you ever wonder whey so many beautiful models hail from poor countries like Russia? A tapeworm is basically god’s gastric bypass.