Posts tagged ‘7-11’
Photoshop Fucktuppery: The Unicorns Deserved Extinction
I am going to just start randomly listing all the things that are wrong with this photo. Feel free to agree with me.
1. There is nothing really sexy about a unicorn. If unicorns existed they would just prance around all day farting glitter. They would be the worst kind of gay guy–the gay for the sake of being gay super flaming homo that insists on starving down to 100 lbs, subsisting on a diet of meth and parliament lights, driving a 93 Pontiac Grand Prix littered with old bags from McDonald’s, and being called Lil Mama while they are being pounded by a 37 year old jazz choreographer they met at a “video store”.
2. This guy looks like a catfish. If he was underwater and made this face he would be able to collect plankton without even trying. I am going scalloping today with my brother-in-law. If I see anything resembling this guy under that water I am going to set the Gulf of Mexico on fire. Read more…
Bitchin Body Art: Nikki Napalm’s Nips
Nikki Napalm always had self esteem issues with the fact her breasts were different sizes. Speaking mathematically, the difference was as follows: Her left Haireola was to her right Haireola as a manhole cover is to a buffalo penny. So she decide to detract and diver the attention from her Zellweger’s by getting a full sleeve full color tattoo of all her favorite things: sugar coated ecstasy, Katy Perry’s style, Gambling, Taquito’s from 7-11, and strange cock. The joke was on her though–what Nikki couldn’t see was the dramatic difference in the size of her butt cheeks.
And she never figured out why she had such debilitating scoliosis.
Can Your Relationship Survive Facebook?
After the all night sex party you attend, you stop at a 7-11 for a slurpee. The girl behind you notices your TGIFriday’s smock. She is a manager at Chili’s. It turns out she is looking for a new assistant manager, so you facebook her. The next day she writes on your wall. “Nice meeting you last night.”Then your girlfriend comes in the room with a sawed-off shotgun and blows your fucking head off.
Anybody on facebook who has had a relationship has been in this exact same shituation. It’s a fact.
In these times, being as socially connected as we are with Facebook, Twitter, and texts taken out of context, real human connections are often affected, hurt, or destroyed. Like your crotchal area after an all night sex party. But not to fear, I have devised a plan to help. Read more…
