So You Want To Be A Model…

I don’t know why so many young kids aspire to be a model. My thought is that it will provide some sort of validation that: Yes, they are attractive, and either grew out of their ugly duckling childhood where people threw feces at their brown teeth, or yes, they managed to be well accepted and popular through high school without peaking too soon and can now go on to fame, fortune, and anorexia. I was recently hanging out with some straight people (gasp) talking about a friend who was a model/bartender/reads to the fucking blind. They always lead with model though, as if that is the most impressive. Here is why it is not:

Models make money based on how they look. I have woken up on more than one occasion with a zit so big it wanted to run for public office. There was been many more than one occasion where I wanted to eat myself out of house and homo. Models can’t run around being lazy/eating what they want and are at the mercy of their faces. This lifestyle sounds more like a prison.

Modeling is boring. I know, I know. Technically I am not a model, even though my bathroom mirror begs to differ. Basically, if you aren’t a high-paid model a lot of your job is going to be about standing around waiting for someone to take your picture for enough money to keep you from living in one of those Craigslist Apartments where you have to do “light cleaning semi nude”.

The fashion industry is full of assholes. There is no other industry where you experience more insecure, self-important, clinging-to-their-louboutins-because-nothing-else-makes-them-feel-alive-anymore downright rude bitches. If you don’t believe me, ask any intern that has ever worked for any designer, ever. They will tell you horror stories that make The Devil Wears Prada look like an after school special.

I bet you thought I was going to talk about eating disorders, but why would I combat a proven method to get skinny quick?

My point is, modeling is one of those things that seems like an awesome lifestyle, but only because you only see one aspect of it. Much like pornography, which unsurprisingly is an industry where lots of models end up. I’m not saying you should get your degree, because I have one and frankly its more useless than Beyonce’s actual hair. I am saying find something you love to do that has nothing to do with your body weight or the condition of your skin.