Reasons Why We Should Lower The Drinking Age To Birth
I have to give credit where credit is due: Over the years, there have been a few things that Europeans have gotten correct. They may not have mastered proper dental care, foreskin cleanliness, man-scaping, or the word y’all, but when it comes to alcohol, they know where their bread is buttered. European countries have less alcoholism because they don’t make liquor so taboo. In some countries, if you can reach the counter you can order a drink. So I propose we take a note from them, and then one-up them as we always do (basically the whole idea behind America in the first place) and lower the drinking age to birth.
Babies are constantly throwing up anyway. Would you rather vomit from disgusting baby food, or from having a kick ass time with your bitches on a play-date?
Have you ever heard the screech of a teething baby? Alcohol numbs pain, both emotionally and physically. Do you want your baby to go through agony, or cruise through teething with a rubber-nippled Fourloko in one hand and a gang sign in the other?
Playground fights are going to happen. Can you imagine how awesome it would be if you saw two toddlers drunkenly circling each other with bandanas on their head and bottles they busted on the curb?
When you drink you stop giving a shit about everything. Two words: Middle School.
Most of the time, babies are fat. Its a proven fact (by many a binge of day-drinking) that when you drink, you are less hungry. This solves the overwhelming problem of baby obesity.
Tired of waking up at 3 Am to feed the little bastard? If your baby is good and drunk, guaranteed it will sleep through the night. Its hangover in the morning will probably keep it quiet and contemplative, too.
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