Remember that show on Bravo NYC Prep? It was on of my guilty pleasures during its first (and only) season. Another one of my guilty pleasures was S-ing the main character’s D on the reg in college. Now, I know he was a huge pretentious douchebag, but he was hot and gay.
I went to a tiny, pretentious, douchey school in Florida where everyone knew everyone, but only if you were thin and chic. On the first day of school, I spotted a familiar face. It was NYC Prep boy.
Like, what? At first I wondered why he chose such a random small school, but then I realized that he and the school had the same personalities. I decided to set a simple and fun goal for myself: hook up with him – it will be a great story to tell your grandchildren.
I found myself sitting next to him at one of the local bars that very night. He asked me my name, he told me what his was, and it took everything in me to refrain from saying “I know.”
Things were going well as we discussed everything from Michael Jackson’s death to starving children in Uganda. Things weren’t going well when I looked away from him for one second then looked back only to see that he had been punched off his bar stool by some equally douchey frat guy, no doubt clad in Vineyard Vines and entitlement.
“Ah well, I’ll sleep with him another night,” I thought.
Little did I know “another night” would be the next night. I have zero recollection of how I ended up in his dorm room, but I did. This dorm room was weirdly chic – it was a single room complete with hardwood floors, crown moulding, a wine refrigerator, and some of the best men’s ready-to-wear on campus. I must admit that I did some iTunes stalking while the little Bravolebrity was in the bathroom, which is when I discovered a large collection of NYC Prep episodes. Narcissism – I liked it.
So he came back, we hooked up, and then watched Family Guy. I would have forgotten how gay he was judging by how he navigated a vajine, except I didn’t forget how gay he was because the whole time we were hooking up, Seal and Shakira’s She Wolf were playing in the background.
We continued to hook up on occasion, until we started to do a lot of salsa dancing at normal clubs, and I found out that he was actually regularly fucking men. People always tell me they didn’t think that would stop me, but it does. Oh yes.
At least I know how to set goals for myself.