Paris Hilton And River Viiperi: The Perfect Storm Of Herpes

The Perfect Herpes Cocktail:

One dash of irrelevant over-exposed socialite, two tablespoons of bleach white asian yaki weave, one pair of DVF sunglasses, one cup of “AllGaysHaveAIDS” Diarreah of the mouth, and one male supermodel that has no idea what the fuck he has gotten himself into (besides Paris Hilton’s vagina, and possibly the back door, too).

Paris Hilton and River Viiperi make the perfect couple because they were both named by people who clearly did a lot of acid in the 60′s. He makes his money by posing half naked, and she makes her money by posing like an anorexic hybrid of a coat-hanger and a praying mantis.

Apparently last week, Paris Hilton made out with some random girl at Club XS in Las Vegas, and River got so jealous that he punched the girl’s boyfriend and ended up getting arrested. I don’t know if that story is factual because its so fucking boring that I can’t be bothered to Google. But I will say that if River Viiperi is planning to punch everyone that gets intimate with Paris Hilton, his fist will end up mangled and destroyed like the index finger of one of John Travolta’s massage therapists, because even I have seen her naked, taking it up the pooper.

P.S. I don’t actually know if these two lovebirds will make it, or if River is dating her hoping it will take his career to the next level. If the latter is true, he needs to look at her track record. The only exes of Hilton I can recall are Rick Solomon (only because I have seen his dick) and Paris Latsis (only because I wanted to see his dick). And where are they now?

Exactly.

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