North Carolina Rules In Favor Of Canine-Human Marriage

7 minutes before Daisy takes a rape shower.

In an unsurprising turn of events, North Carolina ruled that it is now legal for consenting adults to enter into a marriage contract with their canine counterparts. The ruling came in light of the recent ban on gay marriage. Spokespersons from the state alleged that they were in favor of any kind of marriage between heterosexual couples, however same-sex human-canine marriage licenses would not be issued. Their reasoning was as follows:

It doesn’t say anywhere in the bible that humans shouldn’t marry dogs, but it does say that men shouldn’t lay with other men as they do women.  This makes total sense, since that is possible and all. That is why, every time I fuck a guy I do it in their vagina. As we all know, the federal government is in full support of state and local governments using the bible as a handbook.

Humans marrying dogs will cut down on population, since reproduction isn’t technically possible. This will cut down on the number of gay babies born state-wide.

North Carolina as a state isn’t against all non-traditional marriages. You can marry your blood relatives if you wish, because having more retarded offspring in the system leads to more educational funding. It also leads to packs of mountain people living up in the wilderness and awesome movies like Wrong Turn 4: Deadly Crossroads.

Have you ever seen a hot woman that was born in North Carolina? When you saw her, did you see her smile? At least dogs generally have all their teeth.

North Carolina values its heterosexuality, and there is nothing better than a pair of tits. Except 10 pairs of tits on a hot bitch Cocker Spaniel. Or should we say Vagina-spaniel? Maybe we should ban the use of the word cock too. It seems kind of gay….

I believe we should follow suit with North Carolina, as all their ideas on modern relationships, sexuality, and marriages seem up to par with the times…

If the times were the 1940′s and black people still had to sit at the back of the bus.

In all honesty though, we gays shouldn’t take this marriage ban too much to heart. Taking on civil rights for an entire population is no easy task and nobody ever expected it to come without opposition. When we finally do overturn the marriage ban in California, the victory will be that much sweeter. You may be able to slow down this speeding train, but you cannot stop it.

In related news, peanut butter sales in North Carolina are expected to increase exponentially.

That’s right Princess Wiggles. Find the bone.

Damn it Lady Pooter. I just can’t quit you.

Actual North Carolina resident Jennifer Carbuncle and her husband Carl Winslow

Editors Note: The majority of the photos used in this article depict military men and their dogs. This is because in North Carolina, the military is one of the only ways people can escape arranged marriages to their cousins. That’s a fact.