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No More Red-Headed Sperm!

September 19, 2011

We all know that male redheads are Satan’s children and are just plain ugly; yeah I said it, but you all were thinking it. However, what I have always known to be true has now been confirmed by Cryos, the world’s largest sperm bank.

The bank has started turning away redheads because nobody wants their freaky fire-crotch sperm all up inside of them (it probably burns anyway). And, if you think that I am being a bit harsh on our red-headed friends then I implore you to follow these two steps: Go to your computer, open your favorite browser and do a Google image search for Carrot Top. If you don’t scream in horror from what you see then I stand corrected.

So next time you see someone that resembles the fire-power Mario from the original Super Mario Brothers game walking towards you, it might be just another red-headed sperm-bank reject. Sorry reds, it’s just the truth and everybody knows it except Gary (see Obesity Schmobesity. The Last Socially Acceptable Form of Discrimination is) but I secretly suspect he is hiding some ginger pubes under those leggings anyway.

And that’s how Jew sees it.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. renee permalink
    September 19, 2011 12:05 PM

    This is the most ignorant post I have come upon in my life; that is an accomplishment, congratulations.

    • September 19, 2011 1:01 PM

      haha. thats awesome.

    • September 19, 2011 2:09 PM

      Hmmmm, Renee I find it pretty coincidental that your name starts withe “R.” Could that stand for REDHEAD!?!?! *dramatic music plays*

      And everything I post is a scientific fact, can’t argue with E=MC haired :)

  2. September 22, 2011 5:57 PM

    You know what would be a hilarious prank, pay a bunch of redheads to dye their hair and eyebrows brown and then go sell their sperm pretending to be naturally dark haired, and then… some time later… SURPRISE GINGER BABIES FOR UNSUSPECTING WOMEN!

  3. September 23, 2011 11:04 AM

    I would give my right arm to see the mother’s face when the baby pops out…. like really, I would give my right arm.

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