No more fucking birthdays! (Part One)
I apologize for not writing about this past weekend before now. We have gearing up for our upcoming AIDS walk and Cherry Auction so things have been a bit crazy! I promise it was worth the wait.
This weekends recap (If you don’t want to read the rest)
3 handles of Svedka, 1 handle of Absolute Brooklyn, 1 bottle of tequila, 1 bottle of Coconut Rum, 1 bottle of triple sec, 11 bottles of beer (assorted varieties), 8 cans of beer (again, assorted varities), 3 mini bottles of absolute, and a various drinks out at the club. This is what happens when we celebrate two birthdays in one weekend…
Paw’s Birthday (Thursday)
We all went to Southern Hospitality for Paw’s birthday fiasco. One of the things I like about Southern Hospitality is their integration of Social Media. For example, if you like their Facebook Page you can save 10% off your meal. Fucking awesome!
One of the things I don’t like about Southern Hospitality is the bitchy cunt licking servers and the managers who love them. After I liked the establishment on Facebook I proceeded to show the waitress on my iPhone. She got all crazy eyed and proceed to tell me “Sorry, sir we don’t do that.” First of all I’m a ma’am not a sir; second of all if it states on your menu that you take 10% off then you fucking take 10% off!
If there is one thing you don’t want in your restaurant it’s a drunk gay Jew. I bitched out our waitress, who still didn’t cave, then I bitched out her manager who still didn’t cave, then I bitched out the head chef who finally gave us all free drinks and apologized. Whatever happened to fucking customer service??
Paw’s Birthday (Friday)
You know what sounds like a great idea? How about we take 6 gay white boys and 1 just barely gay black boy to Harlem at 1:00am in the morning? This was day three of Paw’s birthday bash (planned by non other, Paws).
Upon entering Le Boy(gay club/projects) in Harlem we quickly noticed that we were the only white people in the club… and probably the only people not packing some serious heat under our Versace boy shorts. On top of that Paw’s was being a drunk cunt-nugget and kept snatching the bottle of vodka from our hands so we weren’t able to pour ourselves a drink! There was absolutely no way in hell we were gonna be all up in Harlem and not be able to drink so we bounced quicker than a tranny’s new implants.
And that is not where it ends folks… we traveled from 1 billionth street alllll they back to 50th street where we attempted to go to another club. However, Gary and I got separated from Frecks and Tangelo which is odd being that we were on the same damn train. This leads me to believe that Tangelo has magical powers that he commands at will.
Anyway, Frecks and Tangelo make it to the club (which is now closing in less than an hour) However, Frecks ended up running into his boyfriend who had been ignoring him all night and causing Frecks to have near Japan-level meltdown (too soon?). Frecks then vacates the club to argue with his boyfriend outside leaving Tangelo aimlessly wondering around the club like a lonely naked mole rat!
Gary and I finally arrive at the club as we figured that Tangelo and Frecks are dead in a gutter somewhere. When we walked up to the front door we saw Frecks arguing with his boyfriend and decided to just to collect Tangelo (who was still aimlessly wondering) and head over to Lucky’s Burgers for a quick bite.
At this point (closing in on 4:00am) Gary is drunker than a1920s Moonshine factory worker and decides be a total bitchaholic to unsuspecting Lucky’s customers who I then come to find out are actually people he knows.
After his other “friends” left he then turns his attention to the Lucky’s employee behind the counter. As it had been a whole 45 seconds since Gary ordered he wanted to know “where the HELL is food was” to which the employee responded “In the damn kitchen.” I’m sure the amount of spit (on his food) Gary consumed that evening rivaled even his best make-out session.
We finally arrived back my apartment where we pigged out on hot dogs, burgers, fries and a whole vat of nacho cheese while watching Terminator 2 only to have Gary pass out on my white carpet with a cheese sauce French fry hanging out of his mouth. This was only Thursday and Friday…. read the following post for the rest.
