New York Won The Lottery With Gay Marriage And You Can Too!
If you notice, at the top of this photo it says that the NY lottery is 121 million–a sum that is to be stretched out for someone’s lifetime. If you read a little further, it states that in just one year, same-sex marriages have added 259 million the the economy of the city of New York. I am no mathematician, but it appears to me that slovenly third-world cities like Detroit, MI, Jacksonville, FL, and FUCKING California should probably jump on the bandwagon. But enough about politics–you don’t come here to read what you can Google. Here is a list of other advantages to allowing gay marriage:
You know all those horrible run-down neighborhoods where teenagers go to smoke crack and create prom night dumpster-babies? (Detroit–no offense but this one is aimed at you) Imagine if the gays came in, painted them up, hired some Home Depot landscapers (read: Mexicanos), and threw a coat of paint on them so fast the property values did a double take. Our country would turn into Wisteria fucking Lane, except with more Botox, and less hit-and-run murders. (R.I.P Despies)
Most right-wingers claim that their biggest issue with gay people is the promiscuity and sin. Do you know the easiest way to cure promiscuity? Marriage. Do you know how you stop people from “living in sin”? Marriage. So take a note from your own book (That one about that guy, with the beard, who climbed up a beanstalk and got crucified by a wicked witch that lived in a gingerbread house, or whatever) and allow gays the option to bind themselves to one person until death do they part (and by part, I mean sign up for a www.christianmingle.com account and get back out there on the dating scene).
Munty, hunty. I know New York is normally light years in front of the rest of the country, but money talks, and trannies walk (in heels, even). There is nobody with more dispensable income than gays, because we don’t have to waste it on diapers, singing lessons, school trips, and birth control. I believe that the number of gays that got married during the first year of legal same-sex marriages in New York is nothing compared to the number that would have liked to. It was a pretty fucked up thing when California allowed gays to get married, and then yanked their marriage licenses from under them like Kim Zolciak’s wig after the cameras stop rolling. That kind of thing can leave people a little gun shy. Even when gays are finally allowed to marry, we won’t have to worry about unwanted pregnancies (read: money pits) so we will still have more money than the average American. Add the combined disposable incomes of a married gay couple and you have the answer to the economic crisis.
Last but not least, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the children. There are hundreds and hundreds (about the same number as Jessica Simpson’s current weight) of unwanted children out there. There are kids living in foster homes where they are treated like a meal ticket, and kids being adopted by sick heterosexual people whose only real qualification is their sexual orientation. Allowing gays to marry precludes allowing gays to adopt. That would create thousands of warm, loving homes for children out there whose only other option is a life of neglect and abuse, kind of like the puppies on that damn Sarah Mclachlan commercial that I always skip over. Am I saying that every gay would make a good parent? Absolutely not. I made my 2-year-old niece lunch one time with a glass of orange juice and a steak knife to cut her steak. But do all straight people make good parents?
Watch Teen Mom and get back to me.
The old adage that money makes the world go round is definitely true, if you discount the gravitational pull of other planets, and the moon etc (whatever, I am no astronomer). Even if you ignore every single other advantage to gay marriage, the numbers simply don’t lie. So its my opinion that the rest of the country (most of which is suffering horribly economically) should just bite the fucking bullet and pass the champagne glasses. Its happening, whether you like it or not. But if what it takes dollar signs to convince you, then take a look at our bank accounts, our cars, and our houses.
Oh, and our fucking tax returns. You may notice some of the numbers there look familiar.