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Men Are From Mars, Women Can Go To Hell

September 6, 2011
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via TLS

As a gay man I have a unique perspective on the comings and goings of straight relationships. When I am not trying to sleep with your boyfriend, I am paying attention to the interactions that go on between you. This outsider’s perspective qualifies me to comment on it.

So here are my gripes about the state of straights:

Women deny themselves sex. You think having sex will ruin your vagina for your future husband even though every time you get excited you wet yourself like a newborn doberman. Your body tells you that you need it, your mind tells you that you want it, and your gennies practically demand it but still you turn it away? Do you know what we gays call this? Torture.

You call each other sluts and put each other down for being “easy” but secretly you want a man, right? Do you know what a man likes most in the world? Sex. But if you give it up too easy you imagine he won’t respect you after. So you freak out.  Do you know what turns a man off the most in the world? A girl freaking out.

Even gay guys can’t stand that.

You also worry over every little text message and dissect every little meaning, whereas a guy just responds with one or two words whilst munching on a corn dog or patting his best friends ass after a football game. So the entire time in your head you are thinking he doesn’t like you, when in reality the fact that he actually texted you back is proof that he does.

You spend hours getting ready to go out at night, then get drunk and sleep in your makeup. This makes you break out in acne so you have to spend more time getting ready the next night, and so on and so forth. You think that wearing so much makeup is a necessity to catch a guy, but it doesn’t occur to you that maybe a guy would be most attracted to the smile you are hiding under your lipstick.

When you put so much effort into covering something up, it generally means what you are trying to cover up is insecurity. A girl may look hot when all dressed up, but what is underneath shines through eventually. If you really want to land the right man exposing what is underneath from the start would save you a lot of time.

How is it that in our society the women are the ones plastering on makeup, extensions, tight dresses and shoes, and then men get to throw on a greasy t-shirt and jeans? How is it women freak out and berate each other about finding a mate, and the men just sit back and wait for the right one to come along?

Guys are servants to their human natures. Women are servants to the bullshit they have been fed since birth about sex, men, marriage, and childbirth.

The happiest women I know are the ones that have transcended feeding into the “Rules” of being a woman and obeyed their own instincts.

They are also the happily married ones.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2011 3:30 AM

    Yeah it’s fucked up- well, I’m not hanging around trying to protect my vadge or anything, but I’m completely addicted to makeup. While women are fed bullshit all our lives, men are fed pictures of photoshopped bitches. I know we’re not actually supposed to compete with those images, but it’s powerful stuff.

    • September 13, 2011 8:21 AM

      That’s a really good point haha. Damn technology ;)

      Sent from my iPhone

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