Mancandy: Zac Efron Gay Captions and Shirtless Photos

He’s actually smiling at his best girlfriend Javier. Bitch please.

Let me be 100% upfront and honest about something. I am not the biggest Zac Efron fan. To me he was a puffy, gay-faced butterball child actor who did the Bieber-cut way before that manorexic skinny lesbian Justin ever even conceived of finger-banging tweenage groupies. Every one of his movies is like a horrible Lifetime flick starring Candace Cameron-Bure getting ass-raped in a parking lot, then whining about it for 2 hours. They make me want to weep profusely and sing Mandy Moore ballads.

BUT:

I have to give credit where credit is due and tell you that nowadays, this bitch is stacked like a mix between a brick shithouse and Cameron Diaz. His glorious chesticles (bigger than Cameron Diaz’s for that matter) appear to be carved of stone, sunlight, lube, and premature ejaculation.

I, (and I don’t think I am alone here) want to floss my choppers with every single delicate hair on his man-scaped chest. Yes, there are gay rumors. Yes, they are probably true. Yes, this kills my man-boner. But there is no denying that this chunky little stool-stuffer has grown into a real hottie. So I have assembled a bunch of shirtless pics of him for you to fap to.

You are welcome. Please note that I am not suggesting you go see his movie, The Lucky One. I will admit that he has great tits, but to me that isn’t worth sitting through 3 hours of weepy lesbian bullshit. If I really want to see great tits I will just look down. Huzzah!

If you haven’t seen this photo you should check yourself for eye AIDS. He is checking his crotch for crabs after a back seat limo rendezvous with a Weho gogo dancer.

I would be remiss if I didnt make a joke about this being the exact way I sit on a pole too.

A creative new sex game called grab the pole, ram the hole. What you can’t see is Vanessa Hudgens running at his ass with a big black dildo.

Nobody comes between me and my Calvins. I mean nobody comes upon me and my Calvin (the lighting grip on my new movie).

God, I wish I was born with Breasts.

And now, I will let go of this bar and land taint-first on a latino dick.

Wait, I’m confused. This shirt screams lesbian tourist, but this bracelet says “I like it up the ass every way, every day.” I thought I was supposed to be pretending to be straight.

No caption necessary.