It Gets Better, But It Gets Worse Too. How To Beat Depression

It is totally normal, even for pretty people to be depressed some times. What they don’t really tell you in grade school is that life is fucking hard. You spend your childhood wanting to much to grow up, then you realize that shit sucks. So how do you beat depression? By being opti-fucking-mistic. How do you become optimistic? By comparing your life to the lives of people who have it much worse than you. So here is a list of things that say It does get better, and it could be worse.

It could get worse because:

You could be Lindsay Lohan’s lungs.

You could be a janitor for the girls bathroom at a 7-11 in Alabama.

You could be John Mayer’s penis. Or have to listen to John Mayer’s songs on repeat eternally. Or be within 400 feet of John Mayer.

You could burn to death in a flash flood, while being eaten by a shark. A zombie shark.

You could have to go through middle school again. In the 80′s.

You could be the residue on Courtney Love’s crackpipe. Or a pair of Oprah’s spanx.

You could bungee jump from a highway overpass and land neck first in a semi truck full of AIDS.

So the next time you feel like you are having a bad day, think about these things and stop being such a little bitch about it.