I Wish Some Sneaky Bitch Would Come Do This To Me Today
It is unimaginably hot out there.
If god has a nutsack, he has placed planet Earth (specifically new york) hanging in the heated folds underneath that thing like an unchristian dingleberry from hell. The kind of dingleberry that just won’t quit no matter how many plys your charmin boasts. I just had to run an errand–and I should mention that errand in New York can literally be translated as “painstakingly torturous schlep from one inconvenient place to another only used in dire situations when you can’t accomplish the same thing online.” I walked a total of 4 avenue blocks with an air-conditioned train ride in between and my entire body was so drenched in sweat I looked like Jillian Michaels talking to her parents about when she is going to settle down and find the right guy.
Moral of the story–stay inside fuckers.