How To Use Homosexuality To Scam Your Parents
Sidenote: These scams will only work if you have really ignorant parents. Luckily, the majority of us live in America. All of us that have been through it know that its hard to be young and gay. Not only are you dealing with a shitload of emotional issues and hormones, but you are constantly horny all the time, and have to deal with trying to fit in, in a hostile school environment full of other crazy kids. Luckily, if there is one way to skirt by being a teen, its by taking advantage of materialism. Teenagers are too young and inexperienced to have developed any really awesome personality traits, so instead they focus on materialism. What you are wearing and what you drive is much more important than who you are, so if you find yourself wanting to come out as gay, but having to deal with super ignorant parents, you might as well take advantage of it. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Tell them you are seeking religious counseling from your super hot, christian friend from school. Tell them that if they hear any strange noises late at night, it is your friend trying to exorcise the gay demon out of you.
Tell them its a phase. Parents always believe this, and it gives you carte blanche to go fucking crazy for a while, and be as gay as you want. As long as they think its temporary, you would be surprised what they will sweep under the rug, including the plastic handles of Karkov vodka you convinced them to buy you so you could “experiment at home, where you are safe.”
Tell them you think your need to “try new things” is just because you are bored in your hometown. Parlay this into an all expenses paid trip to New York for an internship or weekend retreat, which you can promptly ditch and use the fake ID you bought off Etsy to meet more people like you.
No matter how you slice it, gay is gay. If you are sure you are gay, and your parents probably won’t accept it at first, you might as well have some fun with it. They will come around eventually, but hopefully by then you will have a lot to show for it. And they will end up proud that they raised such a self-knowing, manipulative bastard.