How To Tell If You Will Make A Good Mother

When you realize you are pregnant, your first thought is “Damn, I just bought these jeans.”

Your version of baby proofing a house is turning the spare bathroom into a nursery so you can just “hose off the walls when the little fucker makes a mess).

You can’t decide whether to keep the baby, or go to Cancun for Spring Break. So you decide to do both.

You have a swastika tramp stamp.

You cut your prenatal vitamins with coke, and snort them so they will “enter your baby’s bloodstream faster.”

Your vagina is your biggest concern, even though it is the one that got you into this mess in the first place.

You got pregnant in the first place so your boobs would grow and you could take part in a wet t-shirt contest.

You have had so many abortions in the past, your next one comes with a free topping.

You are deathly afraid of handling poo.

If any of the above statements pertain to you, congratulations you would make an awesome mother.

Editors Note:  The correct Gloganvlog definition of an “awesome mother” is : Dina Lohan, Britney Spears, a wet paper towel, the Octomom, Kate Gosselin, a homeless male war vet, and Michelle Obama.