How To Tell If You Are Florida Trash

Since a few of us GVG Admins are Florida transplants, we can say with full confidence and pride that yes, we are Florida trash. They call Florida the New Jersey of the South for a reason. Here is how to tell if you are Florida White Trash:

Your childhood neighbors grew up to own a fancy chain of meth labs.

You never use an umbrella because the rain only lasts 5 minutes.

You have been barefoot in a super market.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

No shirt, no shoes, no service doesn’t apply to you.

You think a 6 foot alligator is pretty average, but a 6 inch penis is disappointing.

Down South means Key West.

At least one or more of your aquaintances has been in gay porn.

You have worn flip flops to church before.

You think condoms are only for people who live in big cities.

You shit your pants the first time you saw a banana spider.

Your four seasons are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season, and summer.

You’ve hosted a hurricane party for a hurricane that never hit land.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Thonotosassa, and Micanopy.

You know that its better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

You’ve worn shorts on Christmas and went to the pool on New Years.

You lost your virginity in the backseat of a truck.

You can piss standing up off the side of a kayak without tipping.

The first time you smoked weed, it was with one of your parents.