How To Tell If You Are A Facebook Attention Whore
1. Do you ever ask rhetorical questions in your status updates, such as: Why is it that the guys I always go for rape me, and leave me in an alleyway to die?
Do you really want the answer to that? Do you? Its because you are obviously insecure, so you are attracting guys that prey on insecure, stupid sluts.
2. Do you change your relationship status more than 3 times a year?
Those aren’t relationships, you half-wit. They are failures. Changing your relationship status more than 3 times a year is basically just announcing to the world that you suck at dating, and probably accidentally bite when you’re giving a blowie. It is literally impossible to have more than 3 meaningful relationships per year, unless to you, the word meaningful describes a plenty of fish hookup in the parking lot of a Long John Silver’s. P.S, It’s Complicated isn’t a relationship status. Its a cry for help from a fuct up mess.
3. Do you post half naked photos of yourself, and then berate people for commenting on them, i.e: “God, I am so fat in this picture” when you are wearing a Century 21 sheer camisole with a whale tale?
If you really think you are fat, then stop broadcasting your lard for the world to see. But just so you know, if you were that grotesquely fat you wouldn’t be able to fit your entire body in the photo using the tiny lens for your iphone.
4. The duck face.
You know the duck face. Its that face we all make when we are looking in the mirror, even though sub-consciously we know we don’t actually look like that. Lindsay Lohan used to make the duck face in the mirror. Thats all I’m saying. The duck face doesn’t belong in photos.
5. Do you get in fights and/or arguments on facebook?
This is a tricky one. If you are arguing with someone on Facebook in order to publicly shame them for being a stupid moron, then I say go for it. If you are airing out your personal laundry, and calling out the girl that slept with your boyfriend then you need to take a magic mushroom pill and grow up. When you call out somebody publicly for sleeping with your boyfriend, what you are really saying is that your vagina looks like a half-eaten ham sandwich and he needed to go get it elsewhere. Infidelity is embarrassing enough without you announcing it to all of Facebook to see.
Basically, Facebook should be used to keep in contact with your friends, make people laugh, share important news/articles, hook up with people you meet at parties, and expand your social network.
Its a social networking tool, not a social validation network.
