How To Raise A Racist Baby
I think that eventually if we survive the year 2012, racism will slowly cease to exist. I think this mostly because through the magic of reproduction we will all eventually be a nice shade of light brown, much like myself. While racism still exists though, we might as have a little fun with it. Here are several ways to make your baby racist:
Only let it watch Eddie Murphy movies and re-runs of In Living Color. Nothing will make it hate black people more than that.
Hire it an Asian nanny. After about 13 stroller crashes he will steer clear of Hondas for life.
Dress it up like a tree for its very first kindergarten musical called None of this would’ve happened if Adam had let Eve stick a finger in his butt and then put it outside in the yard with the ex-cage fighter Mexican gardener that you picked up outside of Home Depot. He may lose a finger, but he will learn the word Scratchback.
Drop it off at Britney Spears’ Kentwood, Lousiana silver trailer mansion for 12 minutes. I guarantee you it will never touch a Marlboro Red, Nattie Ice, or pair of second-hand Uggs.
Circumsize it (yes, even if its a female). Video tape it. Then tell it for the rest of its life that it was abducted as a baby and suffered irreparable gennie torture at the hands of the Jews.
Follow these simple steps and you can guarantee that your child will grow up distrusting everyone and everything, and end up going on a murdering racist killing spree that ends with it Thelma and Louise-ing it off a fuckin cliff.
Then, as the parent of a monster you sell the book/movie rights and make millions of dollars.
In these times of economic hardship, sometimes raising a racist baby is the only way families can stay afloat. Join the movement today. Pamphlets are available in the gas chamber to your right, beside the roadside orange truck, just past the broken-down rickshaw and the $800 Buick with $13,000 of modifications and an ombre paint job.