How To Have Sex With An Ex Convict

I’ll go ahead and say what everyone else is thinking: “Ex con’s are hot, and if it weren’t for the whole being murdered in your bed or robbed so blind you need a seeing-eye dog to take a shit thing, a lot more people would date them. I don’t suggest that you date them, because I don’t want to be blamed for any lewd and lascivious crimes, however fuckles are a completely different story.

Here are the why’s and hows of fucking an ex-convict:

Why: Bad boys are hot. They are so emotionally damaged that all they know how to do is emotionally damage other people. That’s hot.

How: Don’t get emotionally involved. Don’t give him your cell phone number. Don’t give him your real last name. Fuck him in public, if at all possible. Then escape, like he probably did.

Why: They know their way around a pair of handcuffs. This makes for some kinky sexuals.

How: Make sure you aren’t the one being cuffed to a bed or you may end up short one 52-inch flat screen TV.

Why: They are used to sleeping on tiny cots, with metal bars digging into their backs. This will make your ratty little studio in the east village look like a palace, and your IKEA bunk bed will feel like an angels vagina.

How: Take them on a roundabout journey when heading back to your place, and get them drunk first so they don’t remember your apt #. If at all possible, do it at a friends apt to save yourself from getting murdered later when you don’t return his calls.

Why: They probably picked up some bad-ass sex tricks while in prison. Everyone knows the best role playing game is called: Daddy shanks his bitch.

How: Don’t be afraid to get creative. Throw a mop-head over your afro and dye your lips red with food coloring. Pretend you are in the washroom doing laundry during a blackout.

If you need advice on finding an ex-con to date, you can meet an inmate here.

Even if you just want to visit that site to make fun of it or masturbate, its a worthwhile time!

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