How To Get The Rimmel London Look

It’s the dream of every young American girl out there in the world to resemble a London supermodel, from the Black and Decker teeth to the Cigarette-stained fingernails and Tina Turner eyes. Rimmel would have you believe that they have the corner on it, but there are actually several creative ways to get the London Look, none of which involve Rimmel Cosmetics.

1. Skip sleep for 2 days. Subsist on caffeine and chains-smoking cigarettes to keep you awake.

2. Put two of your cigarettes out in your eyes. This should give you both the “hazy reds” (what we call bloodshot eyes when we are trying to make them sexy. The other street name for them is Lohans) and raccoon rings that say “I put beauty before health. I may be dying but I will make a fabulous corp……woops. I died.

3.Be born in Apalachia, so that your teeth already look like the grill on Princess Diana’s town-car (too soon?) or head to a multi-racial neighborhood and yell some racial expletives as loud as you can until someone punches one of your front teeth out.

4.Don’t eat. Ever. The reason British people have tea in the afternoon is to stave off their crippling hunger. Don’t work out, either. British people have a very specific bodily aesthetic called “skinny fat”. In order to achieve this, you need to be super thin, but super unhealthy too. Drinking vegetable oil 3 times a day should do the trick.