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Hairless Vaginas: Yay Or Nay

March 13, 2012

Since I don’t technically have a vagina, I don’t know if I am allowed to have an opinion on this matter. Pubic shaving trends have existed for many years, and have ranged from people wearing tiny giney wigs called Merkins, to shaving and dying their private parts into various shapes like lightning bolts, people’s names, or Janet Reno’s face. The most recent trend to date is vajazzling, wherein the snatchal region is decorated with tiny crystals, because its high time we got revenge on the men who gave us all those beard-burns all those times we went camping and passed out stone cold drunk in the middle of a group of lumberjacks.

But is anything really as good and traditional as a good old clean shaven poon? On one hand, shaved vaginas kind of look like wrinkly, hairless cats scowling because they realized that once again, someone hijacked their poop straight out of their litterbox. On the other, they seem to be more hygienic, easier to find, and overall more pleasant to be around.

My personal feeling is that if I don’t have to see it, I don’t care what it looks like. But consider this: If your bush is so overpowering that your boyfriend/girlfriend/drunken stepfather has to use a flashlight iPhone app and a compass to find your snatch, it is only a matter of time before he decides that coupled with the risk of pregnancy, it just isn’t worth it. That is when he comes to me.

Think of that, the next time you are standing in the shower looking down, wondering why god cursed you with something that bleeds every month for a week but just won’t die. Razor bumps aren’t the worst thing in the world:

A lonely, hairy vagina is.

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