Gloganvlog Movie Review: The Immortals

Like a lot of other people, I was really excited to see another movie by the same people who did 300. I thought it would be full of shirtless guys, dramatic artistic scenery, and some badass action. I wasn’t disappointed in that regard.I was, however, disappointed by the story line.

The costume designers of this movie deserve to lick the golden dingleberries of Kellan Lutz’s pristine taint. The set design was beautiful and interesting. The actors were stunning–so stunning that I wanted to jump into the screen and lick the Grecian dirt right off their assholes.  I can’t help but feel that with all these resources the writers managed to fall short. The movie got off to a pretty slow start, and concentrated on unimportant or irrelevant details. The real action didn’t really start until the movie was 2/3 over, and the only relationship I found myself caring about at all was that of Zeus and Athene- who held secondary roles in the movie. There was a whole slew of actors who got so little character development that they were almost interchangeable. The leading man, Henry Cavill had the smoldering looks to pull the movie off but he lacked any real passion or believability. The movie was in 3D which was awesome for the few fighting scenes, but otherwise banal and a waste of money.

Is this movie worth seeing? I would say yes, especially if you like dramatic sweeping visual elements and costume design. The performances of Isabel Lucas as Athena and Luke Evans as Zeus were worth seeing alone and added the only true element of emotion.

And I can’t forget nipples. The nipples of both Kellan Lutz and Henry Cavill are worth the $17 bucks to see it in 3D. The movie itself, sadly, is not.