For Straight Girls: The Importance Of Trying Anal Sex

This post is really meant to address all our straight female readers. Gay guys are already aware of the awesomeness of the ass. Lesbians, in their essence are assholes, and straight probably don’t read this site. If they do, they have probably had a finger or two up the old pooper. This post is for straight girls, mean to enlighten them in the joys and pleasures of the asshole.

If you have never done anal sex, you should consider it. If you don’t,  your boyfriend will probably dump you after he gets tired of your vagina. The asshole is a great secondary option for you, and something you can bring out on special occasions and holidays, like a fine Chinese export tea service. You can use your asshole to reward your boyfriend for doing super-special things, like mowing the lawn, clipping his toenails, or watching an episode of Keeping up with the Kartrashians with you. Your asshole will most likely get pregnant with anything (unless you eat way too much indian food chased with an aloe juice smoothie- but even in this case an abortion is inevitable).

Your asshole is like a special power that you can hold over men. For straight girls, its a sacred place, (sort of like the bathroom at the Kmart below Union Square) that you can use to get what you want in a variety of different, deviant ways.

Just two pieces of advice:

1. Spit on it.

2. Start with a finger.

You’re welcome.