As you can see, there is a fine line between the faces Olympic Divers make, and the faces guys make when they are taking it up the pooper. Luckily, I have access to a DaVinci Decoder ring that I found in a cracker Jacks box, while I was searching for my dad’s meth-money stash many years ago. Thus, I have deciphered the photos above, from left to right.
1. Fucking. “I don’t care how many donkey dicks I have to take, I will never go back to being an accountant!”
2. Diving. “Oh god. This water is to be so velly velly cold and my penis is already so small!”
3. Fucking. “These back yard barn fucks with Uncle Jethro are my reason for livin.”
4. Fucking. “You would think Adrien Brody wouldn’t be sitting on a damn casting couch at this point, but here I still am. We got any more lube?”
5. Fucking. “I didn’t realize the auditions for Manchester United would be ever so hard. Literally.”
6. Fucking. “The big black ones always burn the most!”
7. Diving. “My balls just ball-checked my own asshole! How is that even possible?
8. Diving. ” Damn it, this chlorine chafes my fucking nipples.”
9. Fucking. “Not another sex sling! These bears are voracious, and there aren’t enough poppers in the world!”
10. Fucking. “Just one more TSA gangbang and I can get my gleen card.”
11. Diving. “Thank god my bath salts just kicked in. Im going to eat the face of these fucking Olympics.”
12. Fucking. “I’ve made this expression so many times in the past few days my face is stuck like this. Those are the perks of staying in the Olympic Village. My asshole looks like Chernobyl.”