A Gloganvlog Addendum: The Different Ways Gays Ask For Sex

I’ve seen a bunch of Davey Wavey’s video’s in my years on this Earth, but have never posted one. Why? Because every time I watch one I get so mesmerized by his glistening he-tits and perfect nip-to-nip ratio that I forget what the fuck I am doing. My ears literally heal over, and my eyes? Instant bloodshot. But at least now they match my gown. Watching him talk is like staring into the sun. (Video at the bottom of the post)

But in all realness, (yes, realness) he has a point, and I have an addendum I would like to add: The myriad of ways that gay guys ask for sex, (especially in NYC) and why they suck:

Want to watch a movie? Lets pretend to watch a movie. 5 minutes in, I will start dry-humping your dick-hole from behind, even if you are grubbing on a bucket of fiery chipotle wings whilst we watch Shindler’s List. This one sucks because you never get to see how the fucking movie ends!

Want to cuddle? I am too shy to straight up ask for sex, but the only thing you are going to be cuddling is your lost virtue and broken dreams when I go downtown to pound-town on you and never call again. This one sucks because these guys pretend they like to cuddle? Who the fuck likes to cuddle?

Want to get a drink? I am not creative enough to think of a real date idea, plus I just want to sniff your ass and decide if you’re someone worth fucking twice. So lets get liquored up and go bar-to-bedroom, leaving me enough time to meet my friends and get shit-faced after. This one sucks because its uncreative. I only say yes to this one if I know the guy is only good for a bar-to-bedroom situation. I try to never get a drink with someone I actually like.

Let’s get out of here! I don’t care if we are at the Republican National Convention, a leather sex bar, or a the One-Direction themed birthday of a gay two-year-old,  we are clearly crushing on each other, so lets go dick around for a bit. This one doesn’t suck as much as the others. If someone has the balls to straight up suggest this, chances are it has followed a decent conversation and some flirting. This is the most authentic of the “Lets just fuck” phrases because if you are still talking with someone long enough for the “Lets get out of here“, then you have already made up your mind about the fuckles situation.

Did you notice that the first 3 are phrases you can text someone with a hard-on, from your bed and the 4th requires that you be there in person? That’s not a fucking coincidence.