Mancandy Daily
Mancandy: Evan Peters Will Scare Your Panties Off
I don’t know what turns me on more: that his skin is pale as freshly fallen snow/a freshly cut rail of blow, that his lips are as sculpted as a finely made flesh-light, or that his vacant children of the corn eyes stare into my soul so hard my tampon explodes into a fiery rain of toxic shock syndrome. Regardless, Evan Peters of American Horror Story fame is the kind of guy who could easily charm his way into your home, then rob, rape, and murder you without even having to say “please”.
Is he stereotypically “hot”? No. The bags under his eyes could hold an entire years worth of RuPaul’s Drag Race Nyx Cosmetics, and his greasy hair is more flammable than Joe Simpson. That’s what makes him so hot though- he represents a new kind of attractiveness. The kind of beauty you find behind a dumpster, shooting up heroin, about to kill itself.
I’d fuck it. Would you?
Somebody should have taught him to swallow…
That’s the face I make when I jerk off thinking of Read more…
Mancandy: Dean Geyer Of Glee
Let me start off by saying two things:a) Glee is like my middle aged neighbors that live across the alleyway. I don’t want to admit that I watch them have sex all the time, but its definitely happened more than once. b)Its a Gloganvlog cardinal sin to post a Mancandy photo involving clothes, but in this case I made an exception since Dean Geyer’s face is as beautiful as 1,000 virgin assholes.
Seriously, he looks like the love child of Chace Crawford and somebody who doesn’t look like a total homo. Also, he’s Australian which means he likes to go down under. And by down under, I mean he probably munches things. Which things? Use your imagination, but keep in mind that there is only a 2 inch difference between a whiney giney and a butthole, and a 3 beer difference from a dick.
If you don’t watch Glee, I don’t blame you. Lea Michelle’s face looks like one of Captain Hook’s dingleberries and the only two things worth looking at are Chord Overstreet’s DSL’s (Dick Sucking Lips for those of you who never attended middle school) and Darren Criss’s grizzly he-tits. Dean Geyer is more than enough reason to start watching though. Yes, his nipples may be as far apart as a pair of down syndrome eyes, but you won’t be able to see them when he bends you over Lea Michelle’s ego and pounds you like a chicken panini.
Raquel Welch called. She wants her wig back. Read more…
Is it me, or are the Olympic athletes being worshipped as sex symbols this year? I truly believe that people who spend so much time working on their body deserve to be recognized for it, mostly because it doesn’t leave them much time to create anything else worth being recognized for, but this year we have really taken it up a notch. Look at his “V”? (I would use the word cum-gutters but surprisingly there are actually a few words that gross me out and cum gutters is one of them. Mostly because it makes me think of rain gutters, which makes me think of rain, which makes me think of Stephen King’s It, which makes me think of Tim Curry. Yeesh). Anyway, the only cubans I am typically attracted to are sandwiches, but I wont deny that Danell Leyva is fucking bodied, and if he isn’t gay he probably should be because these pictures could probably single-handedly crash Grindr again.
Enjoy!
Mancandy: The Hottest Guys Of The 2012 Olympics
JAKE DALTON, GYMNASTICS
He needs to jump off that horse and come ride my face.
2012 is apparently the year that The Olympics decided to bring sexy back (forgive me for that outdated reference, I am on bath salts). From the ever-popular gay App Grindr completely crashing the first night the athletes entered the Olympic village (as well as some other things, most likely) to Durex providing the London Olympics with 150,000 condoms, the ancient Olympic games have never been hotter. Will you just take a look at Jake Dalton? Just fucking look at him? He is so hot, my dick actually just inverted. Now I basically look like Serena Williams without the sweaty sports bras.
Anyway, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on all the dick-able hotness traipsing around London right now. Enjoy!
So that’s what happens when you fist an albino…
Let’s get gymnasties!
CLEMENTE RUSSO, BOXING
And this is how you jerk off two Olympians simultaneously.
JAMES MAGNUSSEN, SWIMMING
Ugh. Beach farts are the worst. Read more…
Bayern Munich striker (Whatever the hell that is) Mario Gomez has stated publicly that he thinks Gay footballers should come out of the closet because it would improve their performance. He also says that being gay should no longer be a taboo topic. While Gomez himself hasn’t admitted whether or not he is personally gay, his statements are in direct opposition of the German Football Federation, whose public stance is that openly admitting homosexuality is detrimental to athletes careers.
He also states: “We’ve got a gay vice-chancellor [Guido Westerwelle]; the Berlin mayor [Klaus Wowereit] is gay. So professional footballers should own up to their preference.”
I don’t care if he is gay or straight, being brave enough to stand up for equality Read more…
Mancandy: Who Wants To Ride This Horse?
Every time I see this photo, my eyes get an erection. Its disturbing. I have no idea who this guy is, but I can only assume he is some foreigner from some third-world war-torn country whose only chance of any kind of recognition is the Olympics (I am thinking Canada or England). He was probably trained from a very young age by a gruff, but kind-hearted man named Vladimir, who watched him in the shower while smoking a pipe and wearing a turtleneck, but never actually touched him. I don’t normally find gymnasts that hot- yes I understand that they are super buff and have bodies that could survive a collision with Julia’s 90 foot Big Rig Dyke Mobile, but I think of Gymnastics as sort of a gay sport, and I feel like most gymnasts aren’t even tall enough to S my D standing straight up with arms to the sky.
I know this, because I took gymnastics as a kid. And I wasn’t even tall enough to S my own D standing straight up with arms to the sky.
Thanks to the super sexy Michael Warner for the photo!
God, I hate it when I have to shit in the street.
I don’t rightly know where 42-year-old Shemar Moore is from or what movies/shows he has been in. I can only assume that he is from one of the Tyler Perry movies. Before you jump up and scream racism, think about this: There is a 90% chance that if you are a black celebrity, you have been in one of the Tyler Perry movies. He’s like a black Martin Scorsese. And to answer your question, no- I don’t really know who Martin Scorsese is, either.
This isn’t about movies, racism, or old Italian men though its about superficial attraction and big sweaty men. So enjoy these pics of Shemar Moore on a beach, on a beach, and on a beach with his dick basically hanging out. I am sensing a theme here.
Maybe he’s actually a white guy with a really great tan?
This is my chest, after 18 months of breast feeding. Yes, I am aware Read more…
Mancandy: Zac Efron Gay Captions and Shirtless Photos
He’s actually smiling at his best girlfriend Javier. Bitch please.
Let me be 100% upfront and honest about something. I am not the biggest Zac Efron fan. To me he was a puffy, gay-faced butterball child actor who did the Bieber-cut way before that manorexic skinny lesbian Justin ever even conceived of finger-banging tweenage groupies. Every one of his movies is like a horrible Lifetime flick starring Candace Cameron-Bure getting ass-raped in a parking lot, then whining about it for 2 hours. They make me want to weep profusely and sing Mandy Moore ballads.
BUT:
I have to give credit where credit is due and tell you that nowadays, this bitch is stacked like a mix between a brick shithouse and Cameron Diaz. His glorious chesticles (bigger than Cameron Diaz’s for that matter) appear to be carved of stone, sunlight, lube, and premature ejaculation.
I, (and I don’t think I am alone here) want to floss my choppers with every single delicate hair on his man-scaped chest. Yes, there are gay rumors. Yes, they are probably true. Yes, this kills my man-boner. But there is no denying that this chunky little stool-stuffer has grown into a real hottie. So I have assembled a bunch of shirtless pics of him for you to fap to.
You are welcome. Please note that I am not suggesting you go see his movie, The Lucky One. I will admit that he has great tits, but to me that isn’t worth sitting through 3 hours of weepy lesbian bullshit. If I really want to see great tits I will just look down. Huzzah!
If you haven’t seen this photo you should check yourself for eye AIDS. He is checking his crotch for crabs after a back seat limo rendezvous with a Weho gogo dancer.
I would be remiss if I didnt make a joke about this being the exact way I sit on a pole too.
A creative new sex game called grab the pole, ram the hole. What you can’t see is Vanessa Hudgens running at his ass with a big black dildo. Read more…
Woman Candy: Ride This Tranny Like A My Little Pony
Photography by Adrian Rand
Today’s womancandy is one of our new writers here at Gloganvlog, Nadia Evangeline. Nadia is our first tranny writer and one of the most honest, down to earth, bad-ass people I have ever met. Look to her for total honesty, good advice, and a great fucking time. She also has great tits and an ass that can squeeze a lump of coal and pop out a perfect Galleria diamond from Zales.
Mancandy: French Kiss Jean Dujardin
If you saw the Oscars last night, (I am talking to everyone who has ever had a dick in their mouth), you are now aware of Jean Dujardin. This French transplant cleaned up the award show with his movie The Artist. Frecks dragged me to this movie at a theater in Brooklyn (in apparently the only neighborhood that doesn’t make me fear for my life, or the future of fashion, or the future of Russia) and the movie was fucking awesome. Yes it was a silent film in black and white, but Jean Dejardin’s gleeful smiles and smoldering stares were more than enough to set my manties ablaze (and no that isn’t a spoiler from the movie. And by no, I mean yes. Obviously). I don’t have the customary shirtless pic of him as per Mancandy usual, but nipples don’t really matter when you are dealing with this kind of charisma and sexual magnetism. Read more…
