Breaking News: Robert Pattinson Attacked By A Lion

According to the sources of my imagination, Robert Pattinson was attacked by an albino lion that escaped from Narnia in the wee hours of the morning. Allegedly, the lion was actually trying to attack mega-douche nozzle Kristen Stewart because it was tired of the smell of her clove cigarettes and stink face wafting through the wardrobe and polluting the air. Apparently, Pattinson was able to lull the lion to sleep with his baby smooth voice and vicious dance moves.

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