Avril Lavigne And The Idiot From Nickelbag Are Engaged

I was going to talk about how they are engaged, and how it all happened, but then the thought of even reading that article made me want to kill myself.
So instead I didn’t read it at all. And then I decided to tell you what I’d rather do than listen to Nickelback.

• I would rather get stranded on a deserted island with Sarah Palin
• I would rather let a cat shit on my face.
• I would rather fall into a giant vat of puke
• I would rather watch a kitten get punched. (Okay that is a lie)
• I would rather pour gasoline on my mullet and run through a bonfire.

• I would rather watch the entire series of Lost backwards for the first time.
• I would rather move into a new house every day for the next 3 years.
• I would rather eat a cactus with hot sauce.
• I would rather hang out with lesbians who wear cargo shorts every second of my day.
• I would rather snort Comet.
•  I would rather stab my knees with machetes.
• I would rather sneeze into an ashtray in a bar
• I would rather get stuck in outer space sharing a space suit with Kramer

What I’m getting at here is Avril Lavigne is a fucking crackhead, and the singer from Nickelback is a fucking douche bag, and the two of them getting married is like when an unstoppable force meets and immovable object…But …the force is a double headed dildo, and the object is a dirty tampon.