Posts by julia
Maybe somehow I am the only person who seems to end up with wine bottles, and no way to open them. So then I do really stupid things like stab them, and break them, and try to filter out the shards of glass.
But then again, I can’t be the dumbest person in the world, so other people obviously face these first world problems.
I have found a video that shows you 7 ways to open a wine bottle with things you’d have lying around the house. However, maybe next time have a wine opener lying around the house you dig dummy!
It is a scientific fact that drinking makes you funnier. It has been proven by Dr. Jameson Jamerjams. I’m going to be honest. I just made that name up because I am currently drunk and it was the best thing I could come up with.
I’d like to to take a second to address the fact that my laptop doesnt have photoshop and that arrow took me at least 7 minutes to make. Seven fucking minutes. What has this world come to? I blame Bush.
But seriously guys, drinking makes you way funnier. Just like it makes you dance better and it totally allows you to pick up babes way easier.
Any time something is going wrong in your life, just drink. Its FDA approved.
Trust me. I’m from the internet. And nothing from the internet is a lie.
If you are the kind of person who wouldn’t take a shot of that vodka from her, I would like you to stop reading this blog and immediately fall off the earth. Because I hate you.
TSA forces us to take our shoes off. Take our belts off. Scan our tits with laser beams.
But you can’t take our booze away!
She is everything that you need to know. Everything.
I was going to talk about how they are engaged, and how it all happened, but then the thought of even reading that article made me want to kill myself.
So instead I didn’t read it at all. And then I decided to tell you what I’d rather do than listen to Nickelback.
- I would rather get stranded on a deserted island with Sarah Palin
- I would rather let a cat shit on my face.
- I would rather fall into a giant vat of puke
- I would rather watch a kitten get punched. (Okay that is a lie)
- I would rather pour gasoline on my mullet and run through a bonfire.
As a gay woman in America I have learned a lot this year. I’ve learned that Republican’s think women can’t figure out what to do with their own bodies because it’s still 1920.
I’ve learned that people will support a fast food chicken chain and then correlate it to buying gasoline. Because you can’t get food anywhere else. And more specifically there are no other fucking chicken places to go to. It must be Chick-fil-a.
I’ve learned that Kanye West started dating the only other person who could be more self involved than he is. Kim Kardashian.
However, Todd Akin (Missouri Senate Candidate) has really upped the anti with his incredibly intelligent stance on women and how they handle rape…
I know people get butt hurt when you talk about music icons that they listened to twice after they realized that hipsters liked them. But calm down. But I have proof. Also, I just want to say that whatever that movie about Bob Dylan’s life was called… it should have been called, “An awful way to waste 45 minutes of your time before you kill yourself”.
So without further adieu I will not prove how I am right and that Bob Dylan was infact a very adrogynous lesbian who probably didn’t shave her arm pits.
(It should be noted that when I googled “lesbian celebrities” there were some pretty fucking funny images.)
Under the cut! Duh!