Posts by Chris Ryan
10 Myths About Nightlife Promoters
10 Myths About Promoters
10. Promoters have an unlimited amount of drink tickets and can give you a drink when you ask for it.
9. Promoters can get everyone in for free.
8. Promoters just drink and party all the time.
7. Promoters are the sole party responsible for the entire party.
6. Promoters all secretly hate each other (actually many of us are friends & even party together).
5. Promoters enjoy littering your inbox with tons of emails (they make us do it).
4. Promoters enjoy banning you from a club (no, you do that yourself).
3. Promoters do not sleep (okay sometimes that’s true).
2. Promoters are fake to everyone (our job is to be nice, not fake).
1. Promoters cannot be monogamous and therefore they have no souls (we actually are judged by others for not being faithful).
And while some of these myths hold unfortunately true for some, they do not hold true as a stereotype for all. I’m a PhD student, another promoter friend of mine is a college professor, another is a counselor, another is a lawyer and another is a father of three beautiful children with a wonderful wife. It’s not our lives; it’s a job and an extension of our lives. And even if it was our lives, it doesn’t mean these myths hold true at all. So before you judge us, why don’t you get to know us first.
-Chris Ryan
Your Questions For The Artists At Coachella 2012
You may have seen a posting or 20 from me recently regarding my role at Coachella 2012. I’m covering Coachella 2012 for many gay media outlets. I’m asking the questions you want to hear and interviewing some new and promising artists that I feel will excite our community. Take a look at this incredible line-up and if YOU have questions let me know what artist it’s for and what question you feel should be asked. Make sure the question is intelligent and take a minute to research the artist. I can only interview a certain amount of artists obviously, so please let me know.
Email artist and question to: CRAudioFuzz@Gmail.com
Can NYC Corrupt A Person?
I keep hearing the phrases “NYC corrupted him” or “NYC made him like that, he was such a good guy before he moved here.” So my question is, can NYC really CORRUPT a person?
First, let’s look at what defines corruption here. Corruption could be in the form of dishonesty, depravity, promiscuity, lack of moral judgement, destructive lifestyle choices, etc. Now that we’re all on the same page regarding what “corruption” is we can dissect the topic.
Can a city really corrupt a person? What causes corruption?
Personally I believe that it’s bullsh*t to say that a city corrupts a person. I believe that if a person is to become corrupted there was always something brewing deep within them. A person can become traumatized by their environment especially if they live in a third world country where violence is a common day occurrence. But this is New York City, we are not a third world country. If you feel yourself becoming corrupted by the people around you, then cut your associations with those people. If you feel that the environment you’re living in is so bad, then MOVE! If you’re dealing with someone who is consistently lying to you, then they probably have done that all their lives. And if they start lying because they feel that they are being lied to then they have poor moral judgement. Two wrongs have never made a right, and they won’t start now! Instead of complaining that NYC has corrupted you or someone else, take a minute to think about what you’re really saying.
I mainly hear this in reference to… Read more…
Adele Needs To Stay Off Grindr
Much to my surprise, I turned on my Grindr this morning (for promotional purposes of course) and there was Adele, 829ft away from me. I, of course, assumed she was performing at Hammerstein Ballroom (my next door neighbor) but after checking her tour schedule I realized she wasn’t set to be there. I then noticed her “about me” section which I assume is the title of an upcoming song she’s set to write “Would you still look at me if I didn’t have a face in person?”, which I personally believe is a horrible song title and I would have to answer that question with a resounding no. Oh and girl, you are not 5’10, the camera adds weight, not height…remember that.
So I give this piece of advice to Adele if you want to find someone like you, I wouldn’t suggest Grindr as you’ll soon find yourself rolling in the deep with god knows who and when he won’t go so rumor has it you’ll probably have to set fire to the rain. So if you want a man that’s going to treat you right, I suggest you look elsewhere and stay off Grindr…girl.
PS. If you took this serious, you’re an idiot. 
Close Your Legs. Open Your Mind.
Let’s face it. We are all lost within the moral matrix of life. Our openness to experience seems to dwell more on the sexual side than on the educational/life experiences side. I’m having a hard time understanding why so many gay men are closed minded. Are they afraid to go against the ingroup? Do they not have justification for believing in something that isn’t popular? I will sound like I’m stereotyping the population, which means I would be including every member of that population in my statements but rather I’m just including the mass majority of gay men. However, it seems that what’s popular and simple attract the majority of gay men.I’ll keep it in lamen terms.
Let’s take for example MUSIC. Our one universal language that we all can connect to on some level or another. Now why is it that the general population of gay men is attracted to the sounds of Lady Gaga or Britney Spears or Rihanna or David Guetta? Why don’t the majority of gays like heavy metal instead? Why is it that so few would ever think to download a Black Sabbath song? Is there too much testosterone in this music? Does the masculinity of the music scare gays away? It seems that a beat, crappy lyrics, mass produced songs and over-commercialized music is required to penetrate the ear drums of gay boys/men.
I’m going to go ahead and take a long shot here… Read more…
Glee Did Michael Jackson Badddd
If there’s one thing Glee did last night it was give new meaning to Michael Jackson’s “Bad.”
The producers must have been nuts to think that the episode they helped put together came off looking at all close to Michael Jackson worthy. If you’re going to put together a tribute show for Michael, you better pray to god it comes at least somewhat close to performances worth of the king.
Not to mention there was a plethora of plot lines all jumbled into one episode to make a storyline that was similar to a difficult maze.
The “Scream” video re-created by Mike Chang with Artie dancing was disastrous and awkward, not to mention the moves were nowhere near Michael Jackson standard.
There were only two good things about this episode… Read more…
RuPaul’s New Drag Queens Will Beat You Then Eat You
I’m serious guys. I watched the interviews with each of the drag race contestants. I’m going to give you a quick rundown before you even watch episode 2 of this season of drag disg-race.
1. Jiggly Caliente
Jiggly Caliente is definitely jiggly, but as for the caliente….I guess she adds hot sauce to the audience members that she consumes?
2. Chad Michaels
I was unaware Hulk Hogan‘s ex-wife, Linda Hogan was going to be in this season’s race. She’s going under the moniker Chad Michaels (maybe after her new 17 y/o boyfriend?)
3. Kenya Michaels
How To Properly Serve KUNT
Let me first say that KUNT has no reference to the “C” word. This type of KUNT describes a much more fierce, impetuous, omnipresent type of mannerism that is somewhat overpowering and awe inspiring. Serving KUNT is better left to professionals like drag queens, fierce bitches or trannies that are capable of handling KUNT. KUNT must be handled with care. If there’s too much KUNT being thrown around, things will get out of control rather quickly and well we just don’t want that. KUNT must have a look. If there is not look to go with the KUNT, then your KUNT will not come off as fierce as it should. KUNT must be used properly when talking about it in sentences otherwise you might offend someone. Saying something like “You’re a KUNT” would not be cute at all. Rather, one should say “Gurl, you’re giving me KUNT today and I’m loving it.” KUNT in that context is not seen negatively.
I’d like to give two hypothetical situations that have empirical research to back their findings. One situation will show how to properly serve a normal amount of KUNT according to statistical data. The other situation will Read more…
Why Judge Judy Should Rule The World
If you’re a friend of mine or even a Facebook acquaintance, you know of my undying love for Judge Judy who to me is the epitome of a powerful woman. I know I sound like a 65 year old Jewish wash woman saying this but I connect with absolutely everything Judge Judy says. And why should she rule the world? Let me give you the 1o reasons why here:
10. She’s a human lie detector. Wait, actually she’s 100x better than the machine.
9. She will own you within the first minute of you speaking to her. Let’s put her up against the Republicans and foreign leaders.
8. The best of Judyism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bH57MnJIjkc
7. 10 million people watch her daily making her the biggest day time show on television. She even edged out Oprah in some markets.
6. Her views on the criminal justice system: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0UsUtsUj5s
5. How many shows on TV have had 16 seasons? And she’s slated to go to 20 seasons.
4. The infamous eBay scammer episode! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzGOJJmrPNo
3. Even prison inmates respect and look up to her. Some respect her so much they even go to this extent:
2. The incredible quotes that have immortalized her in TV history and garnered her the toughest judge there is: http://www.great-quotes.com/quotes/movie/Judge+Judy
1. Her “right-on-point” views on gay marriage. No one has said it better than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WS_HVWEFDe8
Now only if we had someone with balls like this running our world, shit would get done.
Should Photoshop Be Illegal For Models?
In a day and age where almost everyone can look beautiful based on software that is being updated on a daily basis, perfection is attainable within minutes. Does that mean it should be attainable though? I tend to think not. Models should be naturally beautiful and if they aren’t, they shouldn’t be models!
Take a look at some of these blatant photoshops:
Can you spot the differences?
I think I’m turning Japanese…I really think so.
Ok, photoshopping baby models into porcelain dolls is not ok.
The “Big Booty” tool is now available in Photoshop.
…Really?
I don’t believe this photo.
Not Photoshopped.
