Are Guys That Play Football Hot Or Not?

I’ll just say what everyone is thinking: If we are talking about Tim Tebow here, then the discussion is over. I would stick my finger so far up his butt that god could high-five my pinky nail and beer me in a congratulatory manner. Not all football players are as hot as Tim Tebow though, so I thought I would run down the pros and cons of football player fetishes.

Hot: Football positions like Tight End and Wide Receiver. I have known quite a few tight ends and wider receivers in my time, and not one of them has ever played football.

Not: Those fucking capri pant they all wear. Yes, they may be tight and stretchy in all the right places, but they also look like something a desperate housewife would wear to the farmers market where she secretly buys weed encased in the shells of organic avocados.

Hot: Everyone is big. There is nothing wrong with a big, burly, beefy, sweaty guy running around grunting and putting their huge hands between other guy’s legs.

Not: Everyone is big. Basically, Football is one of the only sports where fat people can be just as good as skinny people. The goal of the game is to pummel people, and you can do that whether you have beer keg biceps or a beer keg belly.

Hot: The way everyone showers together at the end of a game.

Not: Tom Brady’s Buffalo Bill It puts the lotion on the skin and the poodle in the fucking basket haircut.

Hot: They get to paint their faces. Intimidation is both a key to football, and rape–both equally challenging sports. Slapping on some war paint is the fastest way to convey the sentiment that you are in the mood for a good rape and pillage.

Not: Head injuries. Nothing kills a good roll in the hay faster than a concussion.

Hot: Head injuries. Who doesn’t want to fuck a sexy retard?

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