A List Of Things Angelina Jolie Could Cut With Her Malificent Cheekbones

First off, I don’t really know why this movie is being made since it isn’t coming out until 2014. By then, the fairy tale trend will most likely be over, not to mention the world will have ended in December from a zombie apocalypse which began in (of all places – home of Morton’s Bath Salts ) Fucking Florida.

I have to say though, that Angelina Jolie’s Sharon stone coke-cutter cheekbones are giving me fashion palpitations. Here is a list of things she could cut with  her Gaga/Cutco bone structure:

She could cut a line of blow with baby laxative so potent that Mary Kate’s balls finally drop and she is revealed as the smiegel gremlin-like creature that she is. Nobody feed that fucking thing after midnight.

She could cut Gary Busey’s greasy cigarette cloud meth hair into a fashionable bob a la The Avon Lady in Edward Scissordicks.

She could cut in line at the local CVS, angering the scores of young tweens clambering to buy Justin Bieber’s new perfume, Teenage Twats.

She could cut Linsday Lohan’s life expectancy in half (to 3 days, 47 minutes) Too soon?

She could cut off Britney Spears’ access to her finances, thereby eliminating the entire woolen snuggie shoe, slouchy tank top, denim cutoffs with overly large pockets and Marlboro Red industries.

She could cut her United Colors of Benetton family some slack and stop adopting random transient babies from the farthest reaches of the globe. Her house is one mullato away from being some freaky social experiment on racial intermingling.