A Gloganvlog Reflection: The First Time I Got Drunk

We all remember (or maybe not) the first time we ever got really drunk. Chances are, we took three sips of a Mike’s Hard and passed out on the floor, totally date-rape-ready. Or, if you were a badass like me, you decided to go balls deep the first time and start out with the good shit.

My memory is hazy in general, but here is what I remember from my first time getting drunk:

I had been stockpiling liquor in my bedroom for a while, ready to try it. I was in my teens, maybe 16 or something. I had hidden a bottle of vodka in the washing machine, a bottle of rum in my panty drawer, a bottle of whiskey behind my curtain and a bottle of gin under my bed. I have NO IDEA where all this liquor came from since my mom has only had 2 glasses of wine in over 30 years. I can tell you that I didn’t S anybody’s D for it, which is more than I can say for myself today.

The first time I do anything I want to do it with someone I trust. That actually goes for sex too, even though it doesn’t fit my character profile in the federal sex-offenders database. I invited my friend Chris over and we proceeded to take shots of one of each kind of alcohol. I think our plan was to shock our livers into getting ready for our future. All I remember after that is rolling around on my blue satin sheets laughing my ass off. And the next day:

NO HANGOVER.

Do you know what happens nowadays if I even mix 2 kinds of liquor? I have a headache for three weeks, can’t get out of bed, I have Rihanna 2009 Grammy’s eyes (too soon?), and I vomit more than Vickie Beckham 2 days before fashion week.

I want to share my knowledge so that you learn something from my mistakes:

The lesson here is to start drinking young and enjoy it, before the hangover’s materialize and you spend too many morning-afters hiding in your bat-cave like a Florida meth addict in a tin foil trailer.