A Gloganvlog Movie Review: Prometheus: All Your Questions Answered
First off, this review is going to be super SPOILERY, so if you don’t want to know what happens, stop reading now. I am a HUGE fan of the Alien franchise. I know that Prometheus allegedly wasn’t a direct prelude, but I admit I did go into it expecting a lot. If you want to really enjoy the movie, go into it with no expectations. All in all, it was a good film. I do feel like they missed the mark in regards to character development and creating characters that the audience could really get into, but I feel like this is in large part due to the casting of Charlize Theron in a supporting role. Either cast her as a lead, or don’t cast her at all. In my book, the female lead has to live up to Sigourney Weaver’s character of Ellen Ripley. She was obviously a bull-dyke. Those are some big Tevas to fill.
The movie is wrought with thematic undertones of religion and the circle of life. It explores creationism, the flaws of mankind, and the weaknesses and strengths of gods. It does this in a very clever way so that all the pieces of the puzzle fit nicely together, but without characters that the audience cares about, you just end up with a well thought-out thrilling story. It looks great on the outside, but there is no meat inside. Prometheus is basically like a huge dick that can’t ejaculate. Its fun to look at and play around with, but there is no real satisfaction of a job well done.
That being said, the movie is pretty confusing. So I scoured the internet to find answers to my questions. This is what I found. Again, if you don’t like spoilers, stop reading now!
The engineer in the beginning drinking that rotten cup of Jello (Even Bill Cosby wouldn’t eat that, and I’m pretty sure he’s dead) was self-sacrificing himself in order to create mankind.
The theme of self-sacrifice is evident throughout, from the engineer in the beginning, to Doctor Holloway, to the Captain of the Prometheus. Weyland was unwilling to self-sacrifice, and he ended up with a concussion the size of Rosie O’Donnell’s areola.
The black goop was a sort of primordial ooze that altered the DNA of the host depending on mental frame of mind and intent. The engineer in the beginning had the intent of creating man, so that is what happened. The zombie geologist didn’t want to get left behind. Did you see how he only reappeared when everyone was going to leave him? The worms only wanted to survive. They didn’t attack until they felt threatened. Holloway’s intent was to discover the secrets of creationism, and he created an alien baby.
David wasn’t evil or good. He was an android, and devoid of intent. He was programmed to keep Weyland alive, so he gave Holloway the goop to see if it would improve his health. He actually indirectly asked Holloway if he could drug him when he asked what he was willing to sacrifice for the project. When he wanted to cryo-freeze Elizabeth or whatever the hell her name is since I don’t even give enough shits to google it, it was for scientific experimentation. His loyalty was to the mission, putting him in a theological gray area that was super entertaining to watch.
The event that happened 2,000 years ago was the crucifixion of Jesus. This is speculation, but the rise of the Roman Empire was super bloody and brutal. It makes sense that the creators would see us acting like gangsters and send an emissary to Earth to unite us in peace. Crucifying him made us appear brutal and did nothing to help the cause. He self-sacrificed while we kept murdering and conquering. No creator wants their creation to surpass them so they were sending the goop to either destroy us or unite us based on intent. The fact that it was Christmas day, they kept saying “The year of our lord” and that shit kept busting out of peoples abdomens (remember when Jesus got shanked in the abdomen on the cross?) is testament to the religious aspect of it.
The planet in Prometheus and the planet in Alien are not the same. There were several crescent shaped ships on that planet, and I am sure at least one of them escaped.
That being said, the engineers were totally fucking hot. Did I mention I have an albino fetish? No nipples? Even better.
So I hope that clears some shit up. Prometheus is part of a trilogy, so there will be plenty more explanations and shots of Charlize giving people the bitch please face to come. Overall, it was a really good movie. Was it the balls-to-the-wall face-hugging amazing blockbuster that it was touted to be though? Meh. Meh, I say.
