A Gloganvlog Diatribe: Things That Resemble The Hair-Don’t Of Gabby Douglas
Since the Olympics is all the world is talking about right now, we have decided to follow suit and make fun of it from every angle. I just have a few things to say. First off, if I was going to be in the Olympics I wouldn’t fool around with these half-hazardly bedazzled spandex leotards. My leotard would be completely bedecked in thousands of Swarvoski crystals stolen from Michael’s. It would also be made out of baby kittens dyed such a bright shade of fuschia that it would burn the retinas of everyone watching.
A lot of people have been making fun of Gabby Douglas’s hair and ignoring the fact that she just won a huge victory for the US. Just FYI, her performance was one of the only routines I actually watched. She did an amazing job (at making a tiny Russian hobbit cry because her silver medal is just a one-way-ticket into sex slavery).
In all honesty though, if Gabby Douglas wants someone to blame she should probably blame Michelle Obama for setting the bar so high, since Mobama manages to wake up with a completely flawless coif. Except of course, in this photo:
Anyway, as my tranny friend Nadia would say, her yaki is thirsty. So here is a short list of all the things that resemble the hair of Gabby Douglas:
The aftermath of a barn fire of a dry-rotted barn filled with hay in the middle of summer in New Mexico.
An albatross, rescued after getting stuck in the Gulf of Mexico BP oil spill.
The little spindly hairs on the legs of a tarantula.
The inside of Lindsay Lohan’s meth lungs.
The city of Pompeii, buried under volcanic ash, exactly one year after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius.